PICKIN’ ON THE BIG XII: SEASON PREVIEW EDITION

Everybody in the Big XII joined the Grave Dancers’ Union last season (and yes, they had to file) as Nebraska, always the 500-pound gorilla of Great Plains football, took a horrible spill all the way to a .500 record. Huskers head man Frank Solich dumped most of his defensive coaching staff and surrendered offensive play-calling duties in a valiant (but probably futile) effort to save his job. End result? Nebraska no longer has “wingbacks” and “split ends”–they’ve now come all the way to 1974 and call their pass-catchers “wide receivers.” The DEs are still “rush ends,” though, so you can hardly call it a whole new era in Lincoln.

Elsewhere in the league last season, Iowa State had the best first seven weeks they’ve ever had . . . until they hit an implacable juggernaut and wound up losing to Connecticut (Connecticut!) at the end of the regular season, then getting gutted like bullheads in the What Do Humanitarians Eat? Bowl. Oklahoma State showed signs of life for the first time since the mid-80s, and Baylor finally admitted that Kevin Steele was an experiment which failed. The league went a respectable 5-3 in bowl games.

THE FUTILITY SWEEPSTAKES: or, SOMEBODY HAS TO COACH BAYLOR

The aforementioned Frank Solich survived the wrath of the Children of the Corn, even after getting beat by Good Ol’ Diddly-Dang-Dum-Doodly Miss in the Poulan Weedeater “Shreveport is the Council Bluffs of the South” Independence Bowl. Rest assured, if the Maize Defoliators don’t even make it to a better bowl this year, Frankie’s going to have a lot of time on his hands. But everybody knows that already. Kevin Steele is gone, now coaching linebackers for Bobby Bowden. Replacing him, for reason known only to God, is Guy Morriss, who was just starting to feel some ground under his feet in Kentucky. Did nobody tell him coaching at Baylor was like coaching at Vanderbilt, only a little more so?

R.C. Slocum haunts the A&M sidelines no more. He’s replaced by the worst traitor to come down the pike since Benedict Arnold, one Dennis Franchione, who may not be a rat, but knows when to desert a sinking ship anyway.

So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, on to the teams:
–> read more