PICKIN’ ON THE BIG XII: SEASON PREVIEW EDITION

Everybody in the Big XII joined the Grave Dancers’ Union last season (and yes, they had to file) as Nebraska, always the 500-pound gorilla of Great Plains football, took a horrible spill all the way to a .500 record. Huskers head man Frank Solich dumped most of his defensive coaching staff and surrendered offensive play-calling duties in a valiant (but probably futile) effort to save his job. End result? Nebraska no longer has “wingbacks” and “split ends”–they’ve now come all the way to 1974 and call their pass-catchers “wide receivers.” The DEs are still “rush ends,” though, so you can hardly call it a whole new era in Lincoln.

Elsewhere in the league last season, Iowa State had the best first seven weeks they’ve ever had . . . until they hit an implacable juggernaut and wound up losing to Connecticut (Connecticut!) at the end of the regular season, then getting gutted like bullheads in the What Do Humanitarians Eat? Bowl. Oklahoma State showed signs of life for the first time since the mid-80s, and Baylor finally admitted that Kevin Steele was an experiment which failed. The league went a respectable 5-3 in bowl games.

THE FUTILITY SWEEPSTAKES: or, SOMEBODY HAS TO COACH BAYLOR

The aforementioned Frank Solich survived the wrath of the Children of the Corn, even after getting beat by Good Ol’ Diddly-Dang-Dum-Doodly Miss in the Poulan Weedeater “Shreveport is the Council Bluffs of the South” Independence Bowl. Rest assured, if the Maize Defoliators don’t even make it to a better bowl this year, Frankie’s going to have a lot of time on his hands. But everybody knows that already. Kevin Steele is gone, now coaching linebackers for Bobby Bowden. Replacing him, for reason known only to God, is Guy Morriss, who was just starting to feel some ground under his feet in Kentucky. Did nobody tell him coaching at Baylor was like coaching at Vanderbilt, only a little more so?

R.C. Slocum haunts the A&M sidelines no more. He’s replaced by the worst traitor to come down the pike since Benedict Arnold, one Dennis Franchione, who may not be a rat, but knows when to desert a sinking ship anyway.

So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, on to the teams:

IN THE BIG EIGHT MINUS TWO:

COLORADO: WAKE ME WHEN IT’S OCTOBER

Everything good you might say about the Buffs has to be tempered by the fact that Gary Barnett’s teams are never ready for the start of the season. And, true to form, they’ll be 1-3 when the conference season starts–unless you think they can beat Colorado State on a neutral field and Florida State in Tallahassee, and if you do, I’ll have what you’re having. CU replaces four of its five starters on the offensive line and its entire offensive backfield. Most of the defense is back, although the secondary is a little squishy. Neither starting safety has any meaningful game experience except in nickel- and dime-package situations. The Buffs don’t have to play Texas, and they get Nebraska at home. Still, look for this team to rack up 6-7 losses and find itself singing “There’s No Plae Like Home For The Holidays.”

IOWA STATE: IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES

Even though the Clones’ motto used to be “Start slow, and taper off,” last season they lit up the sky through mid-October, cracking the top 10 for the first time ever.

Then, they played Oklahoma. ‘Nuff said.

The off-season wasn’t very kind to the Cyclopaths, either, as a number of players got caught up in an under-reported rape case. The former player involved was acquitted, but some Clones were caught lying to authorities to make it seem as though Iowa Hawkeye players were involved. Not good PR. On the field, rumors of a two- or three-QB rotation are floating around, as ISU tries to replace Seneca Wallace, around whom their offense hinged last season. If Dan McCarney can ever decide who ought to throw the ball, there are plenty of good receivers to catch it. The defense is also solid, except maybe against the run. This season’s schedule isn’t as brutal as last year’s, with Oklahoma, Texas, and Kansas State making trips to Ames. However, since the Clones are playing Northern Iowa in the season opener, they’ll probably have to win two of those games to get bowl-eligible . . . and that might be asking a bit much.

KANSAS: HERE’S LOOK UP YOUR OLD ADDRESS

Mark Mangino found out what Terry Allen already knew: KU’s a tough place to be the head football coach. The Jayhawks went winless in conference last season, and most people don’t expect too much more of them this year. Pretty much the whole season is resting on better-than-average-for-KU QB Bill Whittemore, who will ply his trade behind a depleted offensive line. Last season’s defense was among the five worst in the nation; with an all-new linebacking corps, it probably will be again this year. Ne’ertheless, KU could start the season 3-1, maybe even 4-0, with games against Northwestern, UNLV, Jacksonville State, and Wyoming. Texas and Oklahoma are both absent from the schedule as well. It remains to be seen if KU can win a conference game this year–Baylor at home seems a good bet, and Iowa State in the season closer is another possibility. But the KU basketball team will have two wins before the football team has two conference wins.

KANSAS STATE: BODY BY ENTENMANN’S

To get the obvious out of the way: California, McNeese State, Troy State, Massachusetts, and Marshall. Two of those games would have been good last year. None of them will be this year. The only thing I can’t figure out is why Northern Colorado isn’t on the schedule now that they’ve gone Division 1AA.

No team in the Big XII has more offensive weapons this year than K-State. Ell Roberson and Darren Sproles are as good as any backfiled in the country. The defense will probably take a step back without Terence Newman this season, but overall the Wildcats have the total package. The hardest road game of the season is the conference opener at Texas; beyond that, K-State will cruise to the conference championship game. And that will be the first time they meet Oklahoma this season.

MISSOURI: THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD

Gary Pinkel’s crew continues to improve; it’s just that in the Big XII, you can get better season by season, and it never shows up in the standings. This season should be different. Mizzou had plenty of offense last season, and 9 of their 11 starters return. That includes QB Brad Smith, who is easily the second-best QB in the entire conference after Ell Roberson. But last season’s pass defense was dreadful, and it may not get much better this season. In any other division of any other conference, that would be a concern, but in the Big XII North, that’s not something to lose sleep over. Especially when the best passer already plays for you. Mizzou could well be 5-0 and ranked heading into their October 11 home game with Nebraska; a bowl game for the Tigers this season is certainly not out of the question.

NEBRASKA: GOODBYE, MR. CHIPS

That guy who woke from the coma after 19 years has probably heard a lot of strange things lately, but none more strange than “They’ve got to be careful they don’t look past Nebraska to Kansas State.” Jammal Lord’s decent season running the ball was counterbalanced by his lack of success passing it; it is unlikely that the new coaching staff has turned him into the second coming of Vince Ferragamo. But that doesn’t matter, since NU doesn’t have a good enough line for the more pass-friendly offense they claim to be installing. Where’s Eric Crouch when you need him?

On the defensive side of the ball, most of the team returns even if the coaches don’t. So now we’ll get to see if last season’s problems were due to poor coaching, or if the talent pool in Lincoln is shallower than it used to be. Nebraska could easily have three losses by the time the travel to Mizzou in October; the once-mighty Huskers could struggle to eke out six wins this season and may miss the postseason for the first time since poodle skirts were in fashion.

IN THE LUMPEN-SWC, HOME OF CHEATERS, ‘SKEETERS, AND OWLBEATERS

BAYLOR: PRESENT

OKLAHOMA: THIS IS THEIR YEAR, LIKE EVERY YEAR IS THEIR YEAR, EXCEPT IT ISN’T

Bob Stoops has rapidly become The Man in college coaching circles, to the point where nobody cares what sort of team he has or who’s on it; they’re automatically assumed to be contenders just because he’s coaching them. We’ll start with the obvious: OU has the best defense in the conference, maybe the whole nation. There’s no questions on that side of the ball, OK? The only real question is how little offense they’re going to need to win the South. The Sooners were mid-pack in the Big XII last season in every offensive category, and nearly all of the skill positions have turned over this season. Jason White has been The Next Big Thing for about three years now, even though he’s apparently made of very thin distressed porcelain. But without K-State on the schedule, the best defense they’ll face all season is the one they’ll play against during the week. It’s by no means guaranteed that they’ll win the South, but it seems likely.

OKLAHOMA STATE: SOMETHING ABOUT SQUIRRELS AND BLIND NUTS?

The Cowboys had a great season last year, knocking off Nebraska (OK, that’s not such a big deal anymore) and Oklahoma (but that certainly is.) The “Outdoor Life” combo of QB Josh Fields and WR Rashaun Woods will rack up gaudy numbers this season with the help of an experienced offensive line and a credible running threat in Tatum Bell. The defense, which wasn’t exceptional last season, shuold provide plenty more cardiac moments this year. The schedule is gravy, with only a road trip to Norman causing any real concern. A couple lucky breaks could even find OSU winning the division–but don’t count on it.

TEXAS: GREAT ON PAPER

Gosh, based on the media hype, you’d think Mack Brown should have won three or four national titles by now, what with having the best recruiting class in the country every year. Many are talking that this will be the year for the Horns, but I’m calling it now: Texas won’t win the national title this year; they won’t win the conference title this year; in fact, they won’t even win the division title. Two reasons: (a), breaking in a new quarterback against several of the best defenses in the country, and (2), they just don’t have a good enough line-on either side of the ball–to hang with the likes of Oklahoma and Kansas State, even though they’ll face both those teams at home. Ain’t gonna happen this year, folks.

TEXAS A&M: YOU KNOW THEY’D TAKE FRAN BACK NOW

They’re claiming that, with an all-new coaching staff for a team that went 6-6 last season, it’s not going to be a long year in College Station–which can only mean that it will be a long, excruciating year for Dennis Franchione’s team. The Aggies uncharacteristically threw the ball well last season, and they should continue to do so this year. But with 3/4 of the defensive line new and inexperienced, it’s hard to see the Aggies winning more than 7 games this year.

TEXAS TECH: SORRY, I’VE LOST INTEREST

If they do anything great this season, I guess it’s my loss, huh?

PREDICTED ORDER OF FINISH
North:
1. Kansas State
2. Colorado
3. Missouri
4. Nebraska
5. Iowa State
6. Kansas

South:
1. Oklahoma
2. Oklahoma State
3. Texas
4. Texas Tech
5. Texas A&M
6. Baylor

Kansas State over Oklahoma in the title game (why? Offense + defense > really good defense, and this year the game’s in Kansas City).

THE 1AA PARADE OF SHAME
Iowa State (Northern Iowa)
Kansas (Jacksonville State)
Kansas State (McNeese State, Massachusetts)
Missouri (Eastern Illinois)
Oklahoma State (SW Missouri State)