COLD COFFEE

(My writing coach suggested I have a go at ‘flash fiction’–a complete story told in 250 words or less. Here’s my effort, which he said was pretty good. Enjoy!)
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PICKIN’ ON THE BIG XII, 9/20 EDITION

We’re not going to talk about the record from last week. I’d never be
able to crack any more Baylor jokes if we did.

The two teams in the North who appear to be in the most
jeopardy–Nebraska and Iowa State–are both idle this week, while
Texas tries to rebound from a sloppy loss to Arkansas. In the rest of
the league, there’s the usual parade of dysfunction. So, let’s get on
with it.
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PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, 9/20 EDITION

Last week PotB10 went 4-7. If I was Randy Walker, that might be
enough to save my job.

This week features two games which figure to be good, one with strong
upset potential, and several even the Alumni Association plans to
skip. So, let’s get right down to it:
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PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, 9/13 EDITION

Last week PotB10 went 9-2 but got lucky, thanks to tOSU not falling
*completely* flat against SDSU. I suppose they can always blame
Maurice Clarett . . . seems to be SOP in Columbus these days. The
guy’s gone from Heisman candidate to _persona au gratin_ faster than
anybody whose first name isn’t “Orenthal.”

If you recall, last week featured a bunch of real nailbiter games. I
really didn’t know if Illinois would be able to hold off their
cross-state, Division I-AA rivals Illinois State. And I was concerned
Buffalo might be lying in ambush for the Hawkeyes. Plus Minnesota was
playing some school nobody’d ever heard of. (But, that’s not exactly
news, now, is it?)

So what’s happening this week? We find out whose coaching insulin
can’t suppress the effects of an all-pastry diet. Mostly. There’s
still a couple homers-only snorefests on tap. So, on to the picks!
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THE 10 BEST THINGS IN SPORTS

1. Division II college football. All of the speed and action of the big-time programs, without the ego, swagger, and scandal. Division II players are on scholarship, but most of them know that their last game for their schools is the last competitive football game of their careers. Some do go on to bigger and better things, though–Walter Payton, John Randle, John Stallworth, Harry Carson, Jim Haslett, Joe Senser, and Donnie Shell all played DII ball. The games rarely sell out and never cost a fortune to attend. Division II is the best and purest college football there is.

2. Bowling. The only sport in which you don’t need to be in tip-top shape if you want to be competitive. It’s a true lifetime sport, and it’s a heck of a lot more interesting to watch on TV than golf is.

3. Players who really aren’t about the money. Here I’m thinking about Michael Jordan’s collapse after winning the NBA champonship in the year following his father’s murder. There are few moments topping that one in terms of sheer, positive emotion.

4. Opening day in any sport. Even baseball, which isn’t my favorite, is compelling when the season begins and, for a few moments, every team is equal and anything seems possible.

5. Luge. Anybody can ride a sled down a hill. Try steering one with your feet, without looking, through a winding course, while you’re going 70 MPH four inches above the ice. Luge takes a different breed of athlete.

6. The Tour de France. Some events you win by being good on the right day, or by catching a lucky break. The only way to win the Tour is to kick your competitors’ butts every day for two weeks running. That is not easy to do.

7. Hockey fights. Sure, they’re cool to watch, but they serve a purpose, too: they let teams put smaller, faster players on the ice without fear. WIthout fights, little guys would get stuck into the boards and every game would end 1-0 in overtime. With fighting permitted, defenders know they may have to answer for it if they get too physical with another team’s smaller players. You really think Wayne Gretzky would’ve had his career without hockey fights? He was a skinny 6′1″ and never lifted weights. He should’ve been thrown across the ice night after night. But because he always played on teams with “enforcers,” defenders couldn’t get too rough with him. Fights are the great equalizers of hockey.

8. Underdogs. Sometimes sports provide a sort of justice denied to us in everyday life: David knocking off Goliath, the arrogant getting their comeuppance, the rules of the universe being suspended for just a few minutes. Think 1980 Olympic ice hockey, the ‘91 World Series, the ‘01 World Series, and a myriad of other examples.

9. Rivalries. Whether it’s East Coast/West Coast, Auburn/Alabama, Yankees/Red Sox, or North Dakota/North Dakota State, rivalries give us epic story arcs, and things to talk about which are never settled.

10. Cheerleaders. I could leave ‘em off the list, but I’d be lying.

PICKIN’ ON THE BIG XII, 9/06 EDITION

7-3 last week, PotBXII was. And that’s all I’ll say about that. This week’s schedule features one huge game, one that could be good, and several Battles of Who Could Care Less. So . . . on with our story!
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PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, 9/06 EDITION

Firstly, to recap: PotB10 went 8-2 last week, and it’s a good bet that Barry Alvarez and Randy Walker are off my Chirstmas card list. But I feel like I shouldn’t take credit for the Indiana-UConn game; I expected the Hosers to lose, but I didn’t think they’d get their butts handed to them like they did. Got a feeling a lot of teams are no longer looking past UConn.

But this week there’s a lot of teams playing opponents whom they’re certainly looking past, and you can hardly blame them. Compelling TV, it ain’t gonna be. There’s maybe one good game in the entire conference this week, and that’s being generous. And oh, by the way, no Big Ten teams are playing road games this week. What does that tell you? So, read on if you dare . . .
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