STRING SLINGERS NIX LIMP BIX

The readers of Guitar World magazine have spoken, and they don’t like Limp Bizkit:

Limp Bizkit, which suffered sales of its long-awaited new album, has been named worst band of the year by readers of Guitar World magazine.

Creed, another act that draws sharp reactions, came in at No. 2 even though the Christian combo took the year off. New York rockers the Strokes were No. 3, followed by “all pop-punk bands” at No. 4 and pop-punk band Good Charlotte at No. 5.

It’s hard to argue with this list, except that giving the thumbs-down to all these bands is the equivalent to talking smack against the Alabama Crimson Tide: Everybody knows they’re all having a down year. Limp Bizkit has all but ceded its fans to Eminem, hating Creed has become the new “All your base are belong to us,” and pop-punk is a dead genre now that everybody who ever liked Blink 182 has a driver’s license. As for the Strokes, I’m pretty sure the White Stripes weren’t on their Christmas-card list.

The article goes on to note that Guitar World readers considered the absence of a new Guns ‘N Roses album one of the year’s biggest disappointments. Well, at least somebody thinks so.

UPDATE!

Matthew Yglesias, responding to Joyner, says his real issue in the matter discussed below is “an inappropriate instance of rights-talk.” I respectfully disagree. If you’re going to insist that someone does a complicated job, you’ve got to give them some latitude to do that job in their own fashion. I think that applies here–and it applies in both directions. It’s wrong for the state to tell parents, “If you home-school, you can’t teach your child x.” But, if parents charge the state with educating their children, it’s equally wrong of them to micro-manage classroom content. I realize this is a huge can of worms to open, but I believe that it is appropriate to speak of a “right” to use one’s own judgement and expertise in carrying out a complicated task. Look what happened to the Dallas Cowboys once Jerry Jones decided to let his head coach actually coach the team . . .

THE BAPTIST COOKBOOK THEORY OF PARENTING

James Joyner, riffing on Richard Mouw and Matthew Yglesias, is today pondering the limits of society’s rights with regards to how far parents can go in passing their religious beliefs on to their children:

Surely, parents should be allowed to teach their kids whatever they want, whether motivated by religion or not. And they should have a reasonable expectation that the public schools don’t work against them. Schools shouldn’t, for example, undermine parental teaching that sex should wait until marriage, regardless of how silly most of us think that is in practice.

But, again, where to draw the line? If the parents literally believe that God created the world three thousand years ago out of nothing, that the entire process took six days, and that woman was created from a rib, to what extent should school protect that belief system? Or, if parents want to raise their kids as if it were still the 1600s and make them quit school at the age of 12 so they don’t get overly modernized, should society permit that? How about snake handling? Religions who teach that getting medical care is wrong?

Many parents are solving this problem by putting their children into private schools that reinforce their religious indoctrination. And an increasing number are simply home schooling the kids, sheltering them from the world even more substantially. Both of these trends disturb me on some level. The early evidence, however, seems to indicate that my fears are unwarranted. Home-schooled kids are doing quite well on standardized tests as compared to their public-schooled cohort, for example.

On the main, parents should be trusted to raise their children. Surely, they have a much greater interest in how the kids turn out than does the school board or the state legislature. But what to do with the whackos? And who gets to say who is a whacko?

First of all, without the unfettered right to call anybody a whacko, where would the blogosphere be?

Speaking as one who is a parent and also acts in loco parentis when I teach confirmation classes, I can tell you that the problems James discusses are quite real. I have known home-schooled children who certainly weren’t whackos, and neither were their parents; the parents simply didn’t believe that teaching the three Rs could (or should) be separated from teaching faith and values. (Bear in mind, these were Lutherans, so Catholic and the invariably-Baptist “Christian” schools were dead options.)
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TBP SONG OF THE YEAR

“Halley’s Waitress,” Fountains of Wayne. Oh my freakin’ word, is this song funny.

CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

Hi, my name is Mark, I’m a heterosexual male, and sometimes, nothing on Earth sounds as good to me as ABBA does.

I’LL HAVE A TRAFFIC UPDATE, HOLD THE MAYO, WITH A SIDE OF MALE-ENHANCEMENT COMMERCIALS

From today’s St. Paul Pioneer Press comes word that what has got to be the world’s first radio-station-themed restaurant opens today in the St. Paul suburb of Roseville, not far from where I used to live. The eatery, known as “KFAN The Restaurant,” is more than a mere sports bar, with ambitious food and banquet facilities.

It’ll succeed. I know the neighborhood well (I wrote most of my grad-school papers at the Caribou Coffee just down the street) and, believe it or not, it could actually use a place like this–it’ll be about the only non-chain restaurant on that stretch of Snelling.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yes, KFAN is a Clear Channel station. So, if the idea works, similar places will be coming to a town near you. The food and decor will be exactly the same in each restaurant, but they’ll change the names just slightly so you don’t think you’re eating in a chain restaurant. Then they’ll buy out all their competition.

FELONIOUS MONK

Dylan Wilbanks will only be pleased that I lifted this year-end survey from his site.
1. What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before? I went to Detroit. Sadly, that’s about it.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any, so I guess I didn’t. I hereby resolve to make as many resolutions this year as I did last year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yup–I’ve got a niece!
4. Did anyone close to you die? I’m a pastor–it’s rare that a month goes by when somebody close to me doesn’t die.
5. What countries did you visit? Detroit. Gary, IN.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? Nothing–my needs are pretty well fulfilled. But, since contentment and shiftlessness share a lot of DNA, I’d like to have the chance to go back to school. I don’t know what for–I don’t care what for–I just need to get back into a learning mode again, because my brain is getting atrophied.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? It’s hard to say if there’s any one particular date that stands out, so let me just say September 28, which was our first anniversary.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? My church’s attendance increased by 53%, while we underspent our budget by 24%.
9. What was your biggest failure? Not getting better at the areas of my job where I know I’m weak.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing worth mentioning.
11. What was the best thing you bought? A 4-cup Black and Decker coffee maker.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My stepdaughter’s–she can finally sleep in her own bed, all night long, every night.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mike Price’s, but you could probably guess that.
14. Where did most of your money go? Good question–I’d start looking here.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I don’t get three “really”s excited about anything. Meeting my niece for the first time was very cool, though.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003? badgerbadgerbadger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
1. happier or sadder? No.
2. thinner or fatter? Thinner by 50 pounds, thank you very much!
3. richer or poorer? Richer, thank God.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Blogging, especially in October and November. COME BACK BLOGROLLERS! I’M SAWRY!
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Listening to The Jim Rome Show, but he’s the only sports talk on around here in the midday.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Working. And today, I mopped the ceiling in our kitchen. No, I am not making that up.
21. {appears to be missing}
22. Did you fall in love in 2003? Why? I never fell out of it in the first place.
23. How many one-night stands? Bah. With my flat feet, I can’t even stand for an hour!
24. What was your favorite TV program? I don’t watch TV. My favorite radio show was still The Tony Kornheiser Show.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope.
26. What was the best book you read? Fiction, it was Empire Falls by Richard Russo. Nonfiction, A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Can.
28. What did you want and get? Better church attendance.
29. What did you want and not get? Nothing. Sorry, but it’s true.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Well, I only saw one, so it’s gotta be “Bruce Almighty.”
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? We went to Green Bay, stayed in a nice hotel suite, ate horrible food, and drove home in the first snowstorm of the year. I was 32, by the way, and I still am.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? For Al Franken and Sean Hannity to get into a steel-cage death match . . . and for it to end in a draw.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? The same as always: Everything at Eddie Bauer goes with everything else at Eddie Bauer.
34. What kept you sane? My wife, my kid, and the Iowa Hawkeyes.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I have a horrible Alyson Hannigan fetish, and my wife is well aware of it.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? The absolute lack of a farm policy, from either major political party.
37. Who did you miss? My dad. Don’t ask me this question again next year, because my answer won’t change.
38. Who was the best new person you met? A colleague who has a job I’d like to have someday . . . but not anytime soon.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: No matter what, it’s always a good time not to go to Disney World.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: You can’t get what you want till you know what you want.–Joe Jackson

THE BIG RED KETTLE IS BOILING OVER

OK, I know I said that Bo Pelini had to be the leading candidate for the Nebraska head coaching job. Now, as it turns out, he hasn’t even interviewed and doesn’t know if he ever will. Neither has the only other known candidate, Huskers offensive coordinator Turner Gill.

I’m not yet going to refer to the NU coaching search as an ethnically-stereotyped safety exercise. The only thing I can figure is that Steve Pederson’s ideal candidate is still coaching somewhere else. Be that the NFL or elsewhere in college football, I don’t know. But whomever The Guy turns out to be, for one reason or another, he’s otherwise engaged at the moment.

Meanwhile, I’m calling it right now: Neither Pelini nor Gill will be the next Husker coach. That much seems to be totally flippin’ obvious.

FOUR WORDS YOU NEVER WANT TO HEAR A HEAD COACH SAY:

“I am in charge.” If you see a big, smoking hole along I-80 in Nebraska, don’t worry. It’s just what’s left of the Nebraska football program.

GO BIG DEAD

Two head coaches in college football got fired this year, despite having overall winning records: Akron’s Lee Owens (who has already landed another job) and Nebraska’s Frank Solich, who got whacked despite going 9-3 and finishing second in the Big XII North.

Granted, second might as well be last to the typical Husker fan, but still, firing your coach after a 9-3 season has a chilling effect on your entire program. It’s a move you don’t make unless you’ve got The Man on your speed dial, ready to step in when you give the word.

Nebraska AD Steve Pederson immediately named Huskers defensive coordinator Bo Pelini as the interim coach, and, once Steve Spurrier made it clear that he does not plan to winter in Lincoln, it appeared that “interim” was just a peel-off sticker on Pelini’s letterhead. Indeed, for the past few weeks, the Internet’s been rife with speculation that Pelini would get the permanent job soon . . . usually, “tomorrow.”

Well, and now there’s this. Oklahoma’s former defensive coordinator, Mike Stoops, just took the head janitorial job at Arizona; Pelini, the man who performed the Heimlich maneuver on NU’s defense, is perhaps the best possible choice to maintain OU’s high level of performance.

That’s if this report is true, which Pelini almost denies. “I wouldn’t say even if there was,” is how he phrased it. Great. So from now on, we can’t trust anything he says about the OU job.

Part of me thinks that this is a Machiavellian stance on Pelini’s part. He’s basically trying to force Pederson’s hand by pointing out that there are other, perhaps more attractive jobs out there if Pelini can’t be NU’s head man. Pelini appears to be calling Pederson’s bluff, knowing (perhaps) that Pederson is finding that candidates aren’t exactly lining up to coach a program that just dumped a coach who went 9-3.

Indeed, if not Pelini, then who? One site reports that Pederson interviewed Kansas City Chiefs offensive coordinator Al Saunders over the weekend. Butch Davis’ name has come up repeatedly. Spurrier we’ve already discussed.

I can think of one guy who’d be perfect for the job, having been successful on both the college and pro level. He’d make a great recruiter, he’s already proven himself as an effective big-game coach, and he can run an offense the likes of which has never been seen in the Big XII (except maybe in Lubbock). He’s even proven that he can coach at places with high academic standards (which isn’t what NU is known for, but hey, at least he can get his players to class).
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