WALK THE WALK

Over at CalPundit there’s a little discussion about kids walking to school, and why they really don’t seem to do so very much anymore. Most of the commenters are pinning it on parental fears about reckless drivers and, as the minions of a long-past presidential administration put it, “scurrilous-type individuals” loose in the community. And then there’s the fact that, in most newer neighborhoods, there are no flippin’ sidewalks. All valid points, no doubt, but I thought I’d lend a Midwesterner’s perspective to things:

It’s gonna be seven below zero here tomorrow morning, for cryin’ out loud! How many of you would walk further than, say, 50 yards in that weather if you didn’t absolutely have to?

OK, now that we’ve established that, remember that a significant portion of recent Sunbelt migration has come from my part of the country (the upper Midwest). We’re the ones who quickly embraced the automobile as the best way to get your kids to school, since there’s many a day your kids would be frozen stiff as a board by the time they got to school. You think we gave up that pattern when we moved to warm climates?

Don’t blame the cars. Don’t blame the parents. Blame us, the Midwesterners. If our ancestors had the good sense to leave here once they realized that every winter around here is like being trapped in the Dairy Queen soft-serve machine for six months at a time, the world would be a very different place today.

Okay, maybe not. But I bet you’d see a lot more than 31% of all kids walking to school.

DEAR MS. JACKSON

You’re good, but you’re no Destiny Stahl. You got me 700 hits today, but she got me 300 hits every six hours for four days straight. Oh, and I didn’t have pictures of her, just like I don’t have pictures of you.

However, I have no doubt that you’ll still be at the top of my search phrases list come the end of February. But don’t be too proud. January’s big search phrase was the Dodge Rampage.