LET MY PEOPLE GO!

Which Old Testament Character are you?
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THE PREZ CHECKS IN TO THE BADGER STATE

President Bush made a semi-major economic speech yesterday in Appleton, WI, just about 100 miles up the road from here. This was the president’s ninth visit to Wisconsin since taking office. Some will say that this is because Wisconsin is a very important swing state which Bush lost by less than 10,000 votes in 2000. But personally, I think the guy has simply acquired a taste for frozen custard.

And speaking of such, Midwestern readers are probably famliar with the Culver’s chain of burger-and-custard joints, which feature a different specialty sandwich and custard flavor every day. These are usually posted on the restaurant’s marquee signs, often without any further identification. Thus, the casual bypasser is left to believe that the restaurant is offering a seriously funky ice cream and/or sandwich that day. Past favorites of mine have included ‘BBQ PORK LEMON ICE’ and ‘BLACKBERRY COBBLER REUBEN’ but a couple weeks ago, the Culver’s in New Glarus, WI had a real dinger: ‘TURTLE TACOS’.

I ate at Subway that day, vaguely haunted by thoughts of what a turtle taco might taste like.

GO NORTH, YOUNG MAN

Brad Banks, the former Iowa Hawkeyes quarterback who played nearly as many downs in the NFL as Heisman Trophy usurper Carson Palmer did last year (none), is getting a shot in the CFL, with the Ottawa Renegades.

OPENING (sic) DAY (sic)

In honor of the first offical baseball game of the season. leaving us with only 5,183 more games until the playoffs (all of which will be on the radio while I’m hoping to hear something else), I present you with a brief essay, already seen by many, entitled:

“WHY, SPECIFICALLY, I DON’T LIKE BASEBALL”

” . . . swing, and he fouls that one down the line. Lopez is batting .343 over the last 12 games, but for the season he’s only .217 against divorced left-handed pitchers with at least one Slavic grandparent. Count is 3-2, here’s the pitch and he fouls it back to the backstop.

“Tonight is Staples Office Supplies Protractor Night here at UniComOne Solutions Ballpark, and I see lots of fans with those shiny bits of red plastic. First 12,000 kids under the age of 13 got a free protractor with a paid adult admission tonight.

“Grodzniak’s in his stance aaaand . . . he fires it over to first, trying to keep speedy Jimmy MacVicar honest. Vic’s stolen three bases already this season, but only during day games when the temperature at game time was 75 degrees or cooler. I bet you fans didn’t know THAT. Here’s the pitch . . . and it’s in the dirt, so Lopez takes his base. Two men on, one man out, and it’s 1-0 here in the top of the 6th, in favor of the visiting Wichita Poltroons.

“Now, here comes Hank Hickenlooper out of the dugout, and that’s all she wrote for Grodzniak. Call it five and one-third innings for him, six hits, including that screamer he gave up to Johansen in the 4th, eight walks now with Lopez on base, and with those numbers, it’s a miracle the Hermit Crabs are only down one.

“Hick’s motioning for Javier Ochoa to come out of the bullpen, and that means that Berniece Franklin of Trumbull Heights is our winner in the UniComOne Solutions “First Call” contest. Berniece, you’ll be getting $20 off your first month’s service when you activate a new UniComOne Solutions wireless account, or $10 off your next bill if you’re a current UniComOne customer.

“While Ochoa is taking his warmup pitches, we’d like to extend a special greeting to the good folks from the National Federation of Society Associations who are here taking in tonight’s game. Ochoa will be facing Hercules Adams, who’s been on a hot roll since getting called up from the Gadsden Bottle Flies. He’s been hitting .310, with an on-base percentage of .508, but what’s really interesting is that his slugging percentage is .840 with runners in scoring position and a redhead on the cover of that particular month’s Maxim. Ochoa’s ready, he delivers aaand . . .”

*crack*

“. . . that one is jusssssssst foul, down the third-base line. Folks, for the finest in aluminum foil, it’s Shari’s House of Non-Precious Metals . . .”

UPDATE

Everything went well at the doctor’s office today. Looks like we’re OK for now. Thanks for the support, all of you.

SEMI-OPEN THREAD!!!

My wife says we can’t play Trivial Pursuit until the Seinfeld rerun is over, so I’m opening up this thread for discussion of the first day of Colin Cowherd. I only “herd” the first hour, but I thought it was OK. I was greatly fearing that we would get Diet Jim Rome.

Anybody hear the full show? Reactions? (I’ve already heard from one person who didn’t like the show.)

THE UNIVERSE HAS BEEN RESTORED TO ORDER

Do you suddenly, inexplicably feel better today? It’s probably because Sammy Hagar and Van Halen have kissed and made up.

Van Halen’s not my favorite metal band, and let’s face it, David Lee Roth should be their lead singer. But hey, “Van Hagar” is an important link to my high-school years. However, if they start playing county fairs, I’m going to pretend I never heard of them.

TALK TALK

Hello, my name is Mark, and I’m addicted to radio. (Hi Mark!)

Seriously, I could go a couple weeks without turning my TV on, but I can’t get through a day without radio, specifically talk radio. In fact, as I write this, I’m listening to the underappreciated Jonathan Green on WTMJ from Milwaukee.

Today I lost one of my three favorite radio hosts of all time–Tony Kornheiser, about whom you have already heard, if you’ve been reading this site. TK’s been the subject of much blogging angst for the past two months, ever since he announced that his radio show would be ending. (To be fair, some people aren’t as bothered by this.)

As a longtime TK fan, I know when the man’s speaking from the gut, and when he’s feeding me a line. And he’s feeding me a line about why he’s left his radio show.
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A MOMENTARY LAPSE OF REASON

In compliling my “favorite albums” list, I most regrettably overlooked an album that’s sustained my soul for almost two decades now: Level 42’s World Machine.

What sort of jaded audiophile am I if I can forget an album like World Machine?

A LIST TO FULFILL A LIST OF LISTS

Zombyboy posted a list of lists he’d like listed. Well, I’m in a list-making mood, so let me tackle not just one of these, but . . . wait for it . . .
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