FRIDAY FIVE, WHEN IT’S ALMOST TUESDAY

If you…
1. …owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
Greasy cheeseburgers and pancakes the size of your head.

2. …owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Used books. And I’d have no conscience. I’d mix the first editions with the trade paperbacks. I’d sell old magazines by the pound. I wouldn’t take romance or sci-fi novels. I would corner the market on “The People’s Almanac”. And when you brought in your sacks-o’-litrachur, I’d skim the really cherry stuff off the top for my private stash.

3. …wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Non-fiction, I’d write about the recent cultural history of the upper Midwest.
Fiction, I’d try to become the new Peter DeVries.

4. …ran a school, what would you teach?
Basic principles of finance and administration to the clergy, who badly need that information.

5. …recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
I did record an album, with my band Martin Melville, back in 1997. We played old-school Bakersfield country/Western swing. If I had the chance to do it again, I’d probably aim at chamber pop–it fits my very twee-sounding singing voice.