DANGER: HIGH CONCEPT

It started with the first line, and from there, it just got sick. It was either write this list, or spend my days haunted by these non-existent movie lines. I more or less quit watching movies in 1994, so I still think every movie ought to be a quotable teen-oriented comedy.–mh

OK, try to follow me on the theme of this list: 10 Phrases That Sound Like They Could Be Catchphrases From 80s Cult Movies, Except They’re Not, With The Names Of The Movies They’re Not From, And The Characters Who Didn’t Say Them.

1. “You are Mr. Chuckles, and you will be my riot monkey.”–Dr. Ambelstrad, Across the Bridge to Tomorrowland
2. “I didn’t think Dracula would look so much like Rick Astley.”–Tess, Vampires of the San Fernando Valley
3. “No! You have to have the Driving Controller! The paddle’s not the same thing! It’ll never work!”–Lucas, Return of the Atari Kid
4. “We’ve got five AA batteries, some 00-gauge wire, a Mr. Microphone, and your sister’s retainer. This just might work.”–Slappy Smathers, Kick Out the Jams
5. “We have no choice. The kingdom of Drabonia will never survive if Nyssa marries the evil Prince Unigard.

–Sir Trajan, Dragonwars

6. “I’m not the kind of geek who sits in the back row of study hall and draws naughty pictures of you. I’m the kind of geek who waits until he gets home and draws them on his computer, with a graphics tablet.”–Scotty, I Saw Her Standing There
7. “You might think it’s a waste of time to cut school just to visit the Museum of Science and Industry. Like a major dorkfest. But it’s the last place Mr. Krupka will ever think of looking for me. And sometimes not getting caught is more fun than, y’know, having fun”–Squiggy Lawless, School’s Out
8. “Dagnabbit, Moon, I tol’ you to put that turkey-lickin’ son-of-a-sassafras-tree Yankee trucker in jail, and he’s sittin’ in Ma Parker’s cafe eatin’ a dang ol’ ham and cheese omelet. Now, you tell me what’s wrong with this picture.”–Sheriff Puckerbrush, Southbound and Loaded
9. “I can’t believe I’m going to my prom in a Yugo.”–Angela, My Life Is Over
10. “Gavin, honey, don’t eat your crayons. Just eat the paste like a normal kid, okay?”–Barbara Higgins-Palace, The Mommy Track