THE SEARCH ENGINE ANSWER GUY

Welcome to a new irregular feature at TBP. As anybody with a blog knows, search enginges generate tremendous traffic for our sites. However, frequently we bloggers discover that the search phrases which lead people to our sites are a bit . . . uhh . . . how shall I say it? Ridiculous.

Indeed, laughing about strange search phrases has become a regular schtick for many bloggers. But I, for one, have decided to make the this world a better place by committing a semi-random act of kindness for these misguided souls who came to TBP in search of things they are not ever going to find here. I’m going to try to help them out. Forthwith, here are some of the more intriguing queries this site has received just this month, along with some words of wisdom for the searchers thereof.

shakespeare buy me a coke

Quite impossible, I’m afraid. William Shakespeare died in 1616, 270 years before John Pemberton introduced Coca-Cola. The Bard of Avon therefore never enjoyed the cinnamon-lime-and-caramel flavor of the world’s most popular beverage.

Playwrights who could buy you a coke include David Mamet, Eric Bogosian, and Woody Allen.

dave grusin history lesson

Dave Grusin was born in Denver on June 26, 1934. After an early career as a pianist, he entered the world of production music in the mid-1960s. He co-founded GRP Records in the late 70s; the label was known as a purveyor of light but high-quality pop/jazz music. Grusin is perhaps best known as the composer of the themes for the TV shows St. Elsewhere and Baretta.

popular soccer players in the 70 s pele

Yes, that is the complete list.

pronounce syttende mai

It’s a bit difficult. The first vowel sound is a combination ee/oo, so it’s something like ‘SHEEOOt’n'duh MY’. But don’t say the ‘H’, just sort of imply it.

mcdonald quarter pound - layers of cheese

Two. One on top of the burger, and one below it, yet above the condiments.

is it normal for 18 year olds to be single?

Yes.

tony kornheiser radio new show

Mr. Tony still has about 2.5 years left on his ESPN Radio contract. Don’t look for a new show before early 2007.

�ۢ���������� �ܢ�

I suppose that’s what I get for having a Dadaism Day, isn’t it?

where can i buy olive garden coffee blend

It’s just a hunch, but have you tried the Olive Garden?

greek god mancow

I strongly doubt it.

iowa state quarter design

Last I knew, Iowa State was on the semester system. Readers?

guess papers for medical exams 2004

A. 13.6 grams. The xyphoid process. Rule out osteoarthritis. Four hours, if you don’t use a cart. Hold the pen between your middle and ring fingers, and don’t look down while you’re writing. There are a variety of reasons why the Communists would’ve loved HMOs.

keith urban immigrant

Yes, he is. Mr. Urban was born in New Zealand on October 26, 1967. Dave Grusin was exactly 33 years and four months old on that day.

destiny stahl pictures

Sigh. How much longer? Fine. You want ‘em? Here you go! There’s a whole page full of them. Now leave me alone.