IT’S OBVIOUS TO ME

Clearly, the referees are just throwing the Lakers/Pistons game so the Pistons will win the title, and then the NBA will never have to deal with questions about fixed championships again.

THE SEARCH ENGINE ANSWER GUY #2

It’s time again for TBP’s ill-advised descent into the depths of the Google abyss as we seek to help out those poor lost souls who have somehow found their way here in search of that which is not to be found in these pages. See the first installment here.

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See “Blues Traveler.”

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If you’ve got a few sofas laying around, the promoter might be willing to talk. But you could get in with 50 Cent for a bucket of KFC.

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Scot. Don’t you know your Smog Name?

hootie and the blowfish song about his mom

“I’m Going Home” from the Cracked Rear View album. Great song.

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Actually, I don’t think it counts if you do it to yourself.

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Tracy Hickman, one of the authors of the Dragonlance books, is a devout Mormon and has said that his faith influenced the stories he wrote.

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About $200 if it runs.

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Still isn’t made. Drink a ginger ale while you’re eating a mouthful of Red Hots, and you can almost go back in time.

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. . . and the Stadium of Silence.

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No, maintenance problem. If you don’t use the Chrysler transmission fluid, you’re going to be buying a new transmission.

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“I think Joe Cocker sounds like he’s got kidney stones the size of cantaloupes.”–Mark Hasty

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Let us all hope not.

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HYOO-stiss-foard.

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As far as I can tell, Jessica Simpson has never played major league baseball.

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“Sweat Hoam Allabamma,” “Whuts Yoar Naim,” and “Freeburrd.”

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Fifteen years older than me.

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She’s going to spend a whole bunch of money on attorney’s fees.

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If this involves a dead Nigerian, I’m out of here.

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Force the sound up from your chest into the back of your throat, then try to push it out through your nose at full volume about once every ten years or so.

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I take it you’ve never seen the movie?

90s nostalgia

Remember when it was a big deal when a new Starbucks opened in your town?

AUDIO-BIOGRAPHY

A few weeks back I finished reading Geoffrey O’Brien’s Sonata for Jukebox upon the recommendation of an old friend. (Read a review here.) It was a great read, an examination of how one person’s life was affected by music, and how his appreciation of music was affected by his life. I’m not 3% as eloquent as O’Brien, but the theme deserves further exploration. In fact, I think it would make a great blog meme. So, in that spirit, here’s a few questions and my answers to them, along with some resources to help you in your own audio-biographical explorations.

1. What was the #1 song on the day . . .

. . .you were born?

“Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” by Cher.

. . . you started school?

“Boogie Oogie Oogie,” A Taste of Honey.

. . . you became a teenager?

“Caribbean Queen,” Billy Ocean.

. . . you graduated high school?

“Hold On,” Wilson Phillips.

(Look up #1 hits by date here.)

2. Do you know all the songs you’ve listed above? What are your opinions of any or all of them?

Yes, I know them all. I don’t like any of them. “Hold On” is probably the worst, a complete non-entity of a song. “Boogie Oogie Oogie” is the least annoying, but that’s not saying much. A Taste of Honey won the Best New Artist Grammy that year, and it had the predictable effect of killing their careers. (Take a look here if you don’t believe me. That could also double as a “where are they now?” list.)

3. What was the first song you ever danced with a member of your preferred gender to? Did you like that song?

“It’s Just A Matter of Time” by Randy Travis. He’s one of the few country artists I can listen to on a regular basis. But I really don’t like that song much.

4. List three or four songs you associate with particular periods or moments of your life and the periods or moments you associate with them. Do you like the songs? If so, is it because you think they’re great songs, or because you assocaite them with a pleasant period in your life?

R.E.M.’s “The Flowers of Guatemala” is a song I connect with a couple important things in my life: a great summer at music camp when I discovered a talent for writing songs (and experienced my first reciprocated crush), the (later) joy of figuring out how to play the guitar part by ear, and the overall wonderful experience of listening to Life’s Rich Pageant, the album it came from. Is it a great song? No, it’s a melodic rewrite of “Leaving On A Jet Plane” with a bridge and a “Play Guitar Today!” solo tacked on. And lyrically it’s the equivalent of William Carlos Williams’ “To A Poor Old Woman“–just a simple observation of the ubiquity of Flora amanita (a poisonous mushroom, not a flower at all) in Central America. But I still like it for its emotional connections.

Tears for Fears’ “Sowing the Seeds of Love” always takes me back to my senior year in high school–it was a pretty big song that fall. I was never overly fond of TfF, but that song connected with me. It’s probably a big reason why I’m now as fond of psychedelic pop as I am–since that song was positively soaked in it.

My wife and I danced to John Mellencamp’s “Ain’t Even Done With The Night” on our first date. I liked that song long before then, even though the sax solo forever fixes it in 1980.

5. What was the first concert you ever paid money to see? What was the best concert you’ve ever attended?

The first: Maynard Ferguson at Buena Vista College in 1985. The best: Huffamoose at First Avenue in Minneapolis, 1997. (Why those guys aren’t millionaires is beyond me.)

6. What are your three favorite and least favorite styles or genres of music?

Favorites: Bossa Nova, Sunshine Pop, Alternative Country-Rock.

Least favorites: Urban Cowboy, Southern Rock, Glam Rock.

(Look up musical styles at Allmusic.com. You can use their music maps, or just do what I did: search for a few artists you love or loathe, and see what styles keep cropping up.)

7. A genie grants you one wish: you can have any artist, living or dead, give you a command performance of one song. Who would you choose, and what would they perform?

Antonio Carlos Jobim, who would perform his song “Triste.” Then I’d beg him to tell me how he came up with the wonderfully twisted chord progression.

A DAY OF SPLEEN?

I’m in a snarky, combative mood today (long story, involving two tow trucks), so I’ve found a couple under-the-busings which are of interest. Over at Counterpunch, Joe Bageant is cautioning that those who fail to understand fundamentalism are doomed to repeat it, at least politically:

[A]s a leftist it is very clear to me these days why urban liberals not only fail to understand [fundamentalists], but do not even know they exist, other than as some general lump of ignorant, intolerant voters called “the religious right,” or the “Christian Right,” or “neocon Christians.” But until progressives come to understand what these people read, hear, are told and deeply believe, we cannot understand American politics, much less be effective. Given fundamentalist Christianity’s inherent cultural isolation, it is nearly impossible for most enlightened Americans to imagine, in honest human terms, what fundamentalist Americans believe, let alone understand why we should all care.

The whole article is well worth your time, particularly the “Establishing a Savage Eden” section.

Meanwhile, across the web at Slate, they’re jumping on the “David Brooks is wicked bad” bandwagon:

Week after week, Brooks has been dribbling out well-meaning and dreary sentiments: Let’s hear it for the “sensible majority” and “bipartisanship.” Let’s, but somewhere else.

(Brooks is the “house conservative” for the New York Times, and, as you might expect, he’s really not all that conservative; he’s just taking valuable column space away from liberal writers. Or, at least, that’s my interpretation of things. Maybe once I read Brooks’ new book On Paradise Drive I’ll feel differently.)