HASTY’S FOURTH AXIOM

Hasty’s Fourth Axiom of Blogging states: When you have no new ideas, try changing your color scheme.

TODAY’S SECOND HIGH-CONCEPT LIST

Hyphenated phrases which have returned no Google results, at least prior to this post:

1. coconut-spattered
2. Orlando-proofed
3. Leno-colored
4. existentialist-scented
5. Okie-mania
6. eco-Smurfy
7. curry-pantsed
8. agri-bingo
9. Ditka-tastic
10. gjetost-crazy
11. hobo-roasted
12. catsup-friendly
13. Omaha-shaped
14. kitten-surveyed
15. linebacker-engineered

WORST MAP EVER

I’m sure it’s not intended to be perfectly representational, but the map accompanying this article on ESPN.com is laughably bad. I can understand putting Kansas City where St. Joseph is–it’s hard to tell where one starts and the other stops. But Omaha is where Sioux City is, Great Falls is somewhere in the vicinity of Havre, MT, and Portland appears to be due south of Yakima. Sheesh.

ANOTHER HIGH-CONCEPT LIST

Ten Horrible Fake Baby Names I Was Afraid To Share With My Wife:

1. Carmen Gia
2. Tattersley Wilberforce
3. Topeka Ollizibeth
4. Mookie Odysseus
5. Demassus Arrevoltyn
6. King Vitaman
7. Medicine Mole (pronounced “Madison Emily’; I fear this one is inevitable)
8. Kirk Picard
9. Shaquilla Mockingbird
10. Burro Hardtack (for parents fascinated by the ‘Wild West’)

(Note to parents: if you actually use any of these names as printed–first AND middle names–I personally will provide $1.74 towards your child’s college/legal defense fund.)