JUST A FEW HELPFUL REMINDERS

10 news stories which really aren’t news anymore:

1. An airline may be filing for bankruptcy
2. Somebody lists a ridiculous item on eBay
3. Ben Stiller has a new movie out
4. The media are biased
5. Some small town has come up with the world’s largest example of a foodstuff in a desperate attempt to draw tourism, despite the fact that you couldn’t get to the town by yak caravan and there would be nothing to do but look at pictures of the world’s largest pan of vegetarian lasagna once you got there
6. A celebrity (or spouse) has given birth to a child with a really, really stupid name
7. Fast food may not be good for you
8. A famous teenage starlet may have an eating disorder
9. The party out of power is not satisfied with the most recent policies of the party in power
10. Britney Spears is getting married

THE FIRST LESSON IS FROM CHAPTER 11

(Now playing in the Beltway Traffic Jam.)

The Archdiocese of Portland (OR) has become the first Catholic archdiocese to file for bankruptcy in the wake of the clergy sex abuse scandal. Or so one would think:

The Portland Archdiocese said Tuesday that it will file for bankruptcy because it can’t afford to pay the potential cost of sex abuse lawsuits, becoming the first Roman Catholic diocese in the nation to seek such court relief. [emphasis added]

In other words, there isn’t any particular judgement driving the archdiocese to this point–just the threat of one. And, in fact, there’s reason to be suspicious:

The Chapter 11 bankruptcy action, planned for Tuesday afternoon, freezes the start of a priest abuse civil trial involving the late Rev. Maurice Grammond, who was accused of molesting more than 50 boys in the 1980s. Grammond died in 2002.

It seems to me the archdiocese decided to enter bankruptcy voluntarily now, since their lawyers had made it clear involuntary bankruptcy was about to be forced upon them. Also, by forcing the matter into bankruptcy courts, the archdiocese runs the slight chance of not having further embarrassing details come to light. But mostly, I sense the archdiocese is trying to talk down a couple of difficult-to-satisfy plaintiffs:

In the case involving Grammond, [Archbishop John] Vlazny said, the diocese made “every effort to settle the cases fairly. I am committed to just compensation. These (plaintiffs’) demands go beyond compensation. With 60 other claims pending, I cannot in justice and prudence pay the demands of these two plaintiffs.”

One wonders, therefore, where the money to pay the 60 other plaintiffs is supposed to come from.

The legacy of the sex-abuse coverup will drag down a few more dioceses and archdioceses. It will not be the end of Roman Catholicism in the US, because the overwhelming majority of priests are not sex criminals. But the Catholics, by now, have to realize that, by bungling the whole situation tremendously, they’ve spent most of their goodwill capital with the public–and a good deal of that which belonged to Protestants, too. And all to avoid scandalizing their own laity, which wound up happening anyway.

The problem is not with clerical celibacy, nor is the problem with a male-only clergy. (Those are two things I personally don’t believe in, though it’s hardly surprising that a Protestant like me doesn’t agree with the Catholic view of ministry.) The problem was that church officials made a conscious choice to try to make the problem disappear instead of just doing the right thing–in short, deciding whether to use one’s powers for good instead of evil. What they chose to do was sort of like lighting a scented votive candle to cover up the aroma of the dead skunk in your living room. Had the problem been handled properly, by removing the offenders from service and sending a message throughout the clergy that the same fate awaited anyone else who messed around with kids, it’s very likely that we wouldn’t be talking about bankrupt archdioceses today.

Then again, maybe a little more education wouldn’t hurt, if this quote from the accused priest at the heart of this case is any indication:

In a deposition taken before his death, Grammond said, “I’d say these children abused me. They’d dive in my lap to get sexual excitement.”

I dare anyone to defend that statement to me.

MIS CONGENIALITY

After John Kerry picked John Edwards for his running mate, all that was left was to hear from those who’d been left at the altar, including Iowa governor Tom Vilsack.

Just once I’d like to hear a spurned VP wannabe pitch a hissy fit and say something like “You will live to regret this stupid decision, you lying heap of weasel parts. Have fun in the unemployment line come November, loser.” Is that too much to ask?

As for Kerry’s pick, he’s making a major mistake. The Kerry White House would be inundated by people wanting the vice president to put them in touch with their dead relatives, and once they discovered he couldn’t, it’s one-term city. Still, I’m starting to believe that, if either party wins this election, it’ll be a miracle.