7/7/2004
STICK TO BARBECUE AND CHEATING AT COLLEGE FOOTBALL, OK?
Standup dude Bryan has gone too far this time:
Brenham, Texas is not only home to the world-renowned institution of Higher Learning, Blinn College, but also home to the “little creamery.” Most of you have never heard of Blue Bell, and that’s a shame.
He links to this post at the Fire Ant Gazette, which reveals that the creamery in question has introduced a new flavor: cantaloupe.
I love it when Southerners start talking smack about ice cream. You’ve got nothing, people. Ice cream is the Northerner’s property, solely and completely. Just in Wisconsin alone we’ve got places like Kopps and Gilles and a billion other mom & pop places that churn out the most wonderful, super-rich ice cream, 100% crystal-free, and if you’ve never had it, you can only imagine what it’s like: it’s like eating a cloud. It’s smoother than a Bill Clinton apology.
Mind you, some day, you’ll know. We are, after all, exporting the stuff as fast as we can. We’re even being gracious and allowing you to taste a real hamburger at the same time, since all the best custard shops also sell cheeseburgers that will make a strong man weak. Heck, it looks like there’s even a Culver’s not too far from Brenham! So soon, you’ll be able to taste what real dairy products are supposed to taste like, and you’ll know that Blue Bell might as well be Blue Bunny. I could drop you at any street corner in Milwaukee and I guarantee you there’s better ice cream than Blue Bell within six blocks. Even if we have to go to a grocery store and buy Cedar Crest.
And these folks would like to talk to you about your melons, although it seems a shame to sully the wonder of a Muscatine by calling it a mere “cantaloupe.” The Muscatine melon is sui generis as far as I’m concerned.
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Ice Cream War
UPDATED with the link to Mark’s original post. Mark Hasty makes himself the King of the Hasty Generalization with this post in response to my ode to Blue Bell ice cream. And I quote: I love it when Southerners start…
Trackback by Arguing with signposts... — 7/7/2004 @ 11:59 pm
Oh, dear. There’s simply no comparison between Culvers’ soft-serve custard and Blue Bell. You’re mixing genres. It’s important to understand and acknowledge these distinctions. Culvers and custard in general are just fine, but it’s decidedly not ice cream.
I don’t know these other brands, but I’ll stack Blue Bell up against them anyday for a mass-produced version. For hand-mades, unless you’ve had Amy’s or any other Texas version, you can’t really compare and contrast truthfully, now can you?
Besides, why does any Northener need ice cream? The spiciest thing I’ve ever seen on the table in Wisconsin (much less Iowa) is black pepper. For yall, it’s dessert…for us, it’s a medical procedure.
Comment by Scott Chaffin — 7/8/2004 @ 7:15 am
War Between the Tastes
[Heh. The post title reminds me of my favorite joke: Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who laid awake at night wondering if there really is a dog?] This innocent post by your humble correspondent has apparently set…
Trackback by The Fireant Gazette — 7/8/2004 @ 8:42 am
Agreed. Kopp’s is utterly celestial frozen custard…which ain’t ice cream. Blue Bell is pretty darn good, but as far as nationally distributed (or even good-sized-regionally-distributed) ice cream goes, I’d have to stick with Breyer’s.
Comment by Vidiot — 7/8/2004 @ 12:38 pm
For the record, you are a biased, bigoted moron who does not even deserve the Godly goodness that is Blue Bell.
Ice cream is not a Northern thing. “Oh look dear, it’s 85F in Madison. It’s so warm. Let us break out the Culver’s Frozen Custard and laugh at our Southern neighbors who think that Blue Bell is the best ice cream.” Meanwhile, it’s 105F in Brenham, and the Blue Bell plant there is pumping the stuff out in the blazing August humid hell of Baja Oklahoma. What you people call “hot” is a joke.
Do not ever dis Blue Bell, or you’ll fine Elsie’s severed head in your bed one day.
Comment by dw — 7/8/2004 @ 12:51 pm
I love the way this is going . . . over at Bryan’s site, they’re telling me Texas isn’t in the South, and right here on my own website (as well as at other places) I’m being told that custard isn’t really ice cream. This whole conversation is taking a severely Dadaist turn. I fully expect to be told that Buick LeSabres are actually small tropical shrubberies any moment now.
As I stated at Bryan’s site: if it’s south of I-70, it’s the South. And I’ll state here that if it’s made from sugar and butterfat and flavorings and it’s frozen, it’s ice cream. Quibbling over terminology only makes me believe that some of you out there fear competition.
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/8/2004 @ 4:08 pm
Wichita is not in the South. Neither is Colorado Springs. Neither is Springfield, MO. Hell, Tulsa sure ain’t in the South. If you’d said “split the difference between I-70 and I-40″ it would have made sense (at least up to the Missouri border).
And icing is made from sugar and butterfat and flavorings. If it’s frozen, does it then become ice cream? Toffee is also sugar and butter; is it ice cream the moment it hits the freezer?
Custard != ice cream. Look at this recipe for frozen custard.
http://www.recipesource.com/desserts/frozen-desserts/custard1.html
Compare with this recipe for ice cream.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_144_PRINT-RECIPE-FULL-PAGE,00.html
See a difference? I sure do.
Comment by dw — 7/8/2004 @ 4:17 pm
Wichita and Springfield are definitely both in the South. Wichita State has won the College World Series, which, as we all know, excludes the possibility that it is a Northern school.
Springfield is practically Branson, for cryin’ out loud, and while I understand why neither the North nor the South would want to claim Branson, if it walks like Roy Clark, quacks like Roy Clark, and has a $5.99 all-the-chicken-fried-steak-you-can-eat special, it’s the South. When Manhattan Transfer opens a theater on Shepherd of the Hills Expressway, maybe then we can talk.
I don’t know where you found that recipe for Bavarian-cream wallpaper paste purporting to be “frozen custard” but it sure doesn’t sound like anything I’ve ever eaten around here. More typical recipes may be found here, here,here, here, and here.
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/8/2004 @ 4:33 pm
Hawkeye hammers Blue Bell
My friend the Reverend Mark Hasty travelled to Austin from the Midwest three years ago to officiate a wedding. It’s a shame he didn’t have any Blue Bell ice cream while he was here, because it would have saved him…
Trackback by ...the trailing edge. — 7/8/2004 @ 9:26 pm
Okay, One Last Post for the Night…
…because who can really resist a good ice cream brawl? (For the record, I’ve got no dog in this fight….
Trackback by resurrectionsong — 7/8/2004 @ 10:49 pm
Preach it brother! There used to be a Blue Bell stand in West Allis on Lincoln Avenue. Almost right across the street a small gyros stand opened up that also served custard…best chocolate custard I have ever had…better than Kopps, Gillies or Oscars.
The Blue Bell was closed within a year.
By the way I think you should expand this to say that the North is basically dominant in any kind of dairy product. You should taste was passes for “sharp” cheddar cheese down south.
Jon
Comment by Jon Enslin — 7/9/2004 @ 7:53 am
My wife is from the Brenham area, but as far as wide-distribution products go, she had to agree that Schwan’s is it.
Comment by Walter — 7/9/2004 @ 12:05 pm
Yall badly need some remedial historical geography. Wichita is the West. They drove cattle there (from Texas and Mexico, not Alabama or Mississippi or Lousiana or Arkansas or Georgia or Florida.)
Texans start declaiming the South somewhere after Palestine. The trees start thinning out enough to see the dang horizon.
Comment by Scott Chaffin — 7/9/2004 @ 7:37 pm
Mark,
I’m not disputing your ice cream claims — I’m here as a Southern in interest of fair and accurate discussion on the ice cream conversation. So basically, will you let me crash while I sample the local fare?
And I’m coming in a summer month. I have yankee midwestern relatives who eat ice cream in the dead of winter outdoors at their local place. One can only overcompensate so much.
Comment by kenny — 7/9/2004 @ 7:58 pm
Kenny:
This is all in the interest of “science,” right?
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/9/2004 @ 8:11 pm
I grew up in Sacramento, where the only real ice cream is made.
Comment by McGehee — 7/10/2004 @ 12:26 pm