THE CLASSICS NEVER LOSE THEIR EDGE

OK . . . right below my “best burgers” post at the old site was a post that reminded me of something I used to do on this site. Namely, I used to name some cars I hadn’t seen in a while, and then see how long it would take me to encounter them.

I mention this because, two weeks ago, we followed a Yugo all the way from Horicon to West Bend. At the time, there was another Yugo for sale in Horicon. (It sold quickly, I think–it’s not there any more, at least.) And then today, we saw a Ford Festiva–teal, of course–on the way to Beaver Dam.

Car blogging burned me out, but car spotting is still fun, so here’s five not-recently-seen cars I’ll be looking for.

1. Dodge Omni/Plymouth Horizon
2. Dodge Colt
3. Buick Skylark
4. Honda Prelude
5. Volkswagen Corrado

With the exception of the Corrado, I’ll probably see all these in the next few days.

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

OK, I said I was pushing back, but . . . You just knew the Texans wouldn’t let my insults go unpunished. And, sure enough, The Fat Guy didn’t:

For some reason, he also believes that frozen custard is the same as ice cream. He matter-of-factly states that it is better than Blue Bell, which, you know, what can you say? He’s never tasted Blue Bell, not that has been admitted to as yet. That’s fine and all — digustibus non disputandum is my credo, and I loves me some frozen custard.

Had he left it at that, I would not feel moved to bother talking about it. However, he seems dead set on explaining to Texans what Texas is. Even that’s OK, since, after all…Iowan. But you put all three together, throw in a pinch of Wisconsin braggadacio and outright arrogance ((!) or (?)), and then by gawd have the gall to call stinkin’ Culvers a great* hamburger, and I have to laugh and point. Someone buy that boy a bus ticket and point him south…he needs to get around a little more.

I don’t know what to say, other than saying that having a Texan accuse you of regional braggadocio and arrogance is sort of like having Jackie Sherrill report your football program to the NCAA. And I would direct some attention to this post from my old site, where I clearly stated that Culver’s is, at best, the fifth-best burger in Wisconsin. But he has some nice things to say about frozen custard, so let me just say that I’m pretty sure God eats migas for breakfast.

In the mean time, I’m still waiting for anybody who can give me a clear-cut distinction between frozen custard and ice cream. Most people who have attempted to “set me straight” have tried to tell me that, since cooked custard is full of egg yolks, frozen custard must be as well. OK, you tell me where the egg yolks are hiding in this picture. “Custard” is to “frozen custard” as “gory” is to “category.” Until then, I’m going with the standard definition of “frozen custard” as “a super-rich ice cream.” Because that’s what it is.

Now, as to my claim that Texas and Kansas are both in the South . . . I’ll stack my knowledge of US cultural geography up against anyone’s; my point was simply that arbitrariness can go both ways. Since I’ve had a lot of people from the South (including Texas) tell me that, as far as they’re concerned, there’s no difference between me and a New Yorker because we’re all from “up North somewhere,”* and a lot of people from the coasts dismiss my home as “flyover country,” I just thought I’d return the favor by lumping together all the states where people make good barbecue and don’t talk with Midwestern accents. If that line of thinking sounds ignorant to you, that’s because it is. Next time I promise to use that top-secret HTML tag that makes all your ironic statements glow in neon purple when you mouse over them.

*: to be fair, The Fat Guy made no such claim.

PUSHING BACK

TBP is shutting down for the weekend; I’ve got too much else to do right now. Back on Monday, unless things change dramatically.