7/10/2004
SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT
OK, I said I was pushing back, but . . . You just knew the Texans wouldn’t let my insults go unpunished. And, sure enough, The Fat Guy didn’t:
For some reason, he also believes that frozen custard is the same as ice cream. He matter-of-factly states that it is better than Blue Bell, which, you know, what can you say? He’s never tasted Blue Bell, not that has been admitted to as yet. That’s fine and all — digustibus non disputandum is my credo, and I loves me some frozen custard.
Had he left it at that, I would not feel moved to bother talking about it. However, he seems dead set on explaining to Texans what Texas is. Even that’s OK, since, after all…Iowan. But you put all three together, throw in a pinch of Wisconsin braggadacio and outright arrogance ((!) or (?)), and then by gawd have the gall to call stinkin’ Culvers a great* hamburger, and I have to laugh and point. Someone buy that boy a bus ticket and point him south…he needs to get around a little more.
I don’t know what to say, other than saying that having a Texan accuse you of regional braggadocio and arrogance is sort of like having Jackie Sherrill report your football program to the NCAA. And I would direct some attention to this post from my old site, where I clearly stated that Culver’s is, at best, the fifth-best burger in Wisconsin. But he has some nice things to say about frozen custard, so let me just say that I’m pretty sure God eats migas for breakfast.
In the mean time, I’m still waiting for anybody who can give me a clear-cut distinction between frozen custard and ice cream. Most people who have attempted to “set me straight” have tried to tell me that, since cooked custard is full of egg yolks, frozen custard must be as well. OK, you tell me where the egg yolks are hiding in this picture. “Custard” is to “frozen custard” as “gory” is to “category.” Until then, I’m going with the standard definition of “frozen custard” as “a super-rich ice cream.” Because that’s what it is.
Now, as to my claim that Texas and Kansas are both in the South . . . I’ll stack my knowledge of US cultural geography up against anyone’s; my point was simply that arbitrariness can go both ways. Since I’ve had a lot of people from the South (including Texas) tell me that, as far as they’re concerned, there’s no difference between me and a New Yorker because we’re all from “up North somewhere,”* and a lot of people from the coasts dismiss my home as “flyover country,” I just thought I’d return the favor by lumping together all the states where people make good barbecue and don’t talk with Midwestern accents. If that line of thinking sounds ignorant to you, that’s because it is. Next time I promise to use that top-secret HTML tag that makes all your ironic statements glow in neon purple when you mouse over them.
*: to be fair, The Fat Guy made no such claim.
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It doesn’t prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt, but ice-cream-recipes.com seems to believe there are egg yolks in frozen custard. As do most of the results from the first Google page for “frozen+custard+recipe”.
The yolks (and the cooking) make it smoother and silkier than standard ice cream (which should not be confused with your standard nickel-a-dozen soft-serve ice milk purveyors.) It’s a mouth-feel thing.
Now about that regional braggadacio thing — we have a 95%+ market share on that. You’re welcome to your part, but you need to find something besides chili and beef to base it on. That cheese thing yall got going is good. All the cheese I buy is Wisconsin, except for Mexican ones. Iowa’s good hog and corn country, too.
Comment by Scott Chaffin — 7/10/2004 @ 1:31 pm
I knew you were a reasonable man. I still like tomatoes and beans in my chili, though.
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/10/2004 @ 2:10 pm
Science, yes, and having four walls and a roof.
Now please allow me, as a Southern of geographic and cultural distinction, resolve this South/West issue.
As we get started, please realize that I was born in SC, live in AL and have worked or travelled all over the contentious area in question.
The formula is simple: If, in a major metropolitan area, you can’t find more than half a dozen quality restaurants offering sweet tea, you most definitely ARE NOT in the South.
Hence, Little Rock is not in the South, despite their ridiculous claims of being “Mid-South.” This does not even address the egregious issue of why the Razorbacks soil the SEC.
The southern most counties of Indiana ARE in the South. As one yankee was quick to point out upon realizing he was outnumbered in a Sunday school class: 13 counties from that state seceded during the War of Northern Aggression. And you can find a fine sweetened beverage of choice there as well.
Comment by kenny — 7/10/2004 @ 8:11 pm
If, in a major metropolitan area, you can’t find more than half a dozen quality restaurants offering sweet tea, you most definitely ARE NOT in the South.
I think that’s pretty close to a perfect qualifier.
The sweet tea urn has made inroads into Texas, which saddens me greatly. We’re now raising a generation of lazy ne’er-do-wells. I, myself, was raised unsweet, and have remained so to this day. Life is hard, dammitt, and you should be thankful to even have tea. If the good Lord has blessed you with sugar, then you should be forced to pause and be thankful for it when using it.
Comment by Scott Chaffin — 7/11/2004 @ 11:20 am
As far as the frozen custard vs ice cream thing goes, I think this site explains all you need to know:
http://www.andysfrozencustard.com/whatisFC.html
To me, frozen custard is a bit like eating a mouthful of sweet lard. But, to each his own I guess. I’m a Texas Blue Bell gal through and through.
Comment by Kari — 7/11/2004 @ 12:39 pm
Scott, I’ve got to disagree with you on the sweet tea. I grew up drinking sweet tea in SE texas, and it beats unsweetened any day of the week. Now that I live in SC, that’s about the only redeeming culinary value.
Note: When I grew up with sweet tea, it was at home. NEVER at a restaurant. Which is just one more reason why Texas should not be considered part of “The South.”
95 percent? Aren’t you kind of lowballing that figure, scott?
Comment by bryan — 7/11/2004 @ 10:26 pm
Mark don’t worry. I firmly believe the northern/southern demarcation line is actually at about I-80. Southern Indiana seems a lot more like Alabama than it does Wisconsin.
Comment by Jon Enslin — 7/12/2004 @ 7:34 am