BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN

This is one of the most horrifying things I’ve read recently. And the most horrifying thing about is that the woman has left me wondering what is the more depressing thought: that somebody like this, who goes off the pill because it makes her “moody,” might wind up raising three small children . . . or that she wound up raising even one?:

When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It’s not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I’m going to have to move to Staten Island. I’ll never leave my house because I’ll have to care for these children. I’ll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.

Oh, the horror. Staten Island and 64-ounce jars of mayonnaise? If that’s so horrible, well, no offense, lady, but did you ever consider, y’know, keeping your pants on? Because apparently all the joys of your sexual adventures weren’t worth riding the Staten Island Ferry and eating warehouse-club condiments.

Steven and Bryan both brought their personal perspectives to this story, and here’s mine: There was a six-hour period back in early April when it very much looked like we might lose our baby, which was only about seven weeks old at the time. I had to rush my wife to the hospital 20 miles away for an emergency examination, including an ultrasound. So we got to see the baby.

It didn’t look like much. Just a little seed-shaped blob with a beating heart. But I’ve never been so relieved as I was to see that our baby was fine and would be fine. It was simultaneously the worst and best morning of my life. And I knew one thing in that instant: Even though it’s a good bet that that child will irritate the ever-loving crap out me 1,246,784 times before its fifth birthday, I knew at that point I loved it, and, so long as I didn’t do anything dumb to screw things up, that love would be returned to me. I could not, for the life of me, think of deciding, “Ehh, I’d rather have a Mustang convertible. You can’t put a kid in a convertible, though. This child just doesn’t fit my self-image.”

And that’s why I can’t make up my mind–is it more tragic that she snuffed out two of the three babies , or that she kept one? I mean, I’m glad at least one baby survived this lifestyle audit, but really, I’m not sure she has what it takes to raise to a kid.

I’m not 100% sure I have it either, but at least I’m willing to make the major sacrifices, like, y’know, shopping at warehouse clubs and things like that.