7/18/2004
BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN
This is one of the most horrifying things I’ve read recently. And the most horrifying thing about is that the woman has left me wondering what is the more depressing thought: that somebody like this, who goes off the pill because it makes her “moody,” might wind up raising three small children . . . or that she wound up raising even one?:
When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It’s not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I’m going to have to move to Staten Island. I’ll never leave my house because I’ll have to care for these children. I’ll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.
Oh, the horror. Staten Island and 64-ounce jars of mayonnaise? If that’s so horrible, well, no offense, lady, but did you ever consider, y’know, keeping your pants on? Because apparently all the joys of your sexual adventures weren’t worth riding the Staten Island Ferry and eating warehouse-club condiments.
Steven and Bryan both brought their personal perspectives to this story, and here’s mine: There was a six-hour period back in early April when it very much looked like we might lose our baby, which was only about seven weeks old at the time. I had to rush my wife to the hospital 20 miles away for an emergency examination, including an ultrasound. So we got to see the baby.
It didn’t look like much. Just a little seed-shaped blob with a beating heart. But I’ve never been so relieved as I was to see that our baby was fine and would be fine. It was simultaneously the worst and best morning of my life. And I knew one thing in that instant: Even though it’s a good bet that that child will irritate the ever-loving crap out me 1,246,784 times before its fifth birthday, I knew at that point I loved it, and, so long as I didn’t do anything dumb to screw things up, that love would be returned to me. I could not, for the life of me, think of deciding, “Ehh, I’d rather have a Mustang convertible. You can’t put a kid in a convertible, though. This child just doesn’t fit my self-image.”
And that’s why I can’t make up my mind–is it more tragic that she snuffed out two of the three babies , or that she kept one? I mean, I’m glad at least one baby survived this lifestyle audit, but really, I’m not sure she has what it takes to raise to a kid.
I’m not 100% sure I have it either, but at least I’m willing to make the major sacrifices, like, y’know, shopping at warehouse clubs and things like that.
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I remember the first ultrasound on our first son. It was like such a relief that everything looked okay. I honestly don’t understand how someone does what this woman did.
Comment by bryan — 7/18/2004 @ 9:02 pm
I don’t get it either, but then, I live in flyover country.
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/18/2004 @ 10:00 pm
We had a similar experience when they thought at 5 weeks it was an ectopic pregnancy. Turns out the baby was fine, and the heart had just started — looked like a blinking LED in the middle of a lentil.
And I had doubts on and off throughout the pregnancy — even a few weeks after she was born. Total ego moments of “my life is over” and “why did we do this when our life was so much better?” Now, she smiles at me just before she dumps a pound of greenish, sticky goop onto the changing table, and I’m happy, because SHE SMILED AT ME BECAUSE SHE LOVED ME AND SO ADORES ME SHE HAS NO PROBLEM POOPING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
Yes, it’s terribly sad.
As for this woman, geez. The Baby Boomers have a lot to answer for, what with their “Me Generation” and their attitude that they were the greatest thing to walk on the earth. Here you have a fine example of someone who is 34 going on 14, probably raised to believe that there’s only one god, and it’s here. Thanks Boomers. When Gen X cuts off your Social Security because it’s too inconvenient for them to pay taxes, hope you enjoy what you have wrought.
Comment by dw — 7/19/2004 @ 12:45 am
To be fair, the “adult” male half of the equation sounds like he might be more of a person than what the woman deserves to have in her life. Then again, the surviving baby (or child) does deserve to know someone with more heart …
Comment by Paul — 7/19/2004 @ 7:36 am
Indeed
I was reading Michele Catalano’s post on the Amy Richards business (see here and here), and was struck by the following:When you become a mother, you give up your life whether you have one, three or five children at a…
Trackback by PoliBlog — 7/19/2004 @ 10:12 am
Well, I live in New York City and was appalled when I read that essay yesterday. It ain’t just those who live in flyover country.
I sat there in the Borders cafe in Fairfield, Connecticut, and just stared out the window for a little while after reading that.
I’m pro-choice, so I’m inclined to agree with her, but the level of self-centeredness on display in that essay was shocking.
Comment by Vidiot — 7/19/2004 @ 12:06 pm
That’s what stunned me too–did she read that thing before she agreed to publish it? Because it’s one of the most appalling examples of both narcissism and hipster fascism I’ve ever read.
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/19/2004 @ 12:20 pm
She did read it, Mark. In her mind, she’s right. She did the right thing to preserve her lifestyle. Nothing in this article says otherwise. She has no regrets, because she made her world right in the most pragmatic way possible. And you know? As the firestorm descends upon her over the next few days, she will harden her beliefs even more. No person, especially no man has the right to tell her what is right. She is her own moral authority.
I’ve read this article four times looking for a shred of humanity, a shred of admission that she is not the most important person on this planet. I can’t find anything there, just a self-centered prat who thinks and acts like the kids who she had selectively terminated.
I’ve never seen a more compelling argument for reasonable curbs on abortion.
Comment by dw — 7/19/2004 @ 12:34 pm
As a new dad who is watching his lifestyle being changed by the second — diapers everywhere, every road trip involving enough equipment to safely land, and return, men to the moon, limited sleep, sex (what’s that?) and time to do anything.
The only reason my 350Z hasn’t been traded in for a sedan or SUV is because it would cost us an arm and a leg to get out of the lease, but when it runs up, it’s gone too.
When he smiles at me, grabs my finger and rubs his face into my neck in his sleep, well damn it, my lifestyle doesn’t look all that great.
Comment by Zygote — 7/19/2004 @ 4:56 pm
dw:
If that’s what it means to be your own moral authority, who would want to be?
Zygote:
I hear you, but I was boring before I had kids, and parenthood hasn’t changed/isn’t likely to change that!
Comment by Mark Hasty — 7/19/2004 @ 5:05 pm
…but what about Michael Jackson’s quads???
Comment by Kennedy — 7/20/2004 @ 2:56 pm