SEARCH ENGINE ANSWER GUY #4

Yep . . . it’s actually a little late, but here’s #4 in our ongoing series aimed at giuding the misguided, redirecting the misdirected, confusing the confusable, and so on.

postmodernist marital humor

Q: How is a spouse like a nominal vocalization of a deep meme?

A: In a post-structuralist modality, of course!

(Well, it’s funny in my culture of affiliation.)

resent photos of robert plant the singer

Deeply, I assure you.

kirk ferentz replace joe paterno psu

Unlikely. Paterno just signed a contract extension in Happy Valley, and why would Ferentz want to make such an unprecedented lateral move? Because I don’t care what you may think in Lionland, from Iowa City to State College certainly isn’t moving up. Not anymore, anyway.

krispy kreme smoothie recipe

2 Krispy Kreme donuts
1/2 cup whole milk

Place in blender and pulse until pulverized. Drink. Vomit.

who is the most likely to listen to lite rock music?

Anybody with an office job, if the TV commercials are to be believed. Why haven’t I ever seen a radio station promote themselves as “the station no one at work can agree on”?

jack white were you influenced by jeff buckley

I don’t know what you’re drinking, pal, but I don’t want any. Jack White is more influenced by Jeff Probst than Jeff Buckley.

goth marriage vows

Pretty much the same as regular marriage vows, except for the “until death do us unite” part.

martin luther’s stance on infant or adult baptism

All Lutheran churches save for a few Free Lutheran congregations practice infant baptism. “I have seen how every inclination of the human heart is evil” and all that, y’know? I mean, as soon as a child learns the words “no” and “mine” they’re quite capable of sin . . .

why cheating in college

Classwork cuts into the “gabbing mindlessly on Daddy’s cell phone” and “let’s try to get on The Real World” time.

the victors lyrics big ten

Fail! You are weak and heartless!
Fail! Maize and blue choke artists!
Fail! Fail! You lost again!
Your hype is a curse!

Fail! To the Big Ten trash-hill!
Fail! Book your flight for Nashville!
Fail! Fail! ‘Just wait ’til next year . . .’
. . . when we’ll beat you worse!

Well, that’s how they sing it in Iowa City, anyway.

franchione traitor

Oh, it’s been two years and two coaches. Get over it.

what s the singers name to letters to cleo

Kay Hanley.

common problems with a 1993 ford tempo

1. Ownership.
2. Inability to find someone willing to assume same.

i need current email address of 40 to 90 years old women unmarried 2004

Good. The ones that were current in 1997 probably wouldn’t do you much good. Best of luck selling that new miracle pill.

who are the comedians on vh1 a2z?

I’ve certainly never seen any.

how do the iowa hawkeyes stack up in the big ten

Third from the top, if you go alphabetically.

1998 cavalier improve acceleration

1. Go to your local auto parts store.
2. Acquire giant ‘FOR SALE’ sign.
3. Use proceeds to buy something faster, like a 1988 Hyundai Excel with bad spark plugs, three bald tires, and 150 pounds of Purina Dog Chow in the back.

how to tear a phone book

Move to a really, really small town. I once lived in a town so small the phone book had twenty matches inside it and “Can You Draw This Turtle?” on the back cover.

That one was pretty easy to tear.