PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, WEEK 8

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zzzz*SKNXKX* . . . oh, hi. Just dozing a little. The baby? No, she sleeps through the night pretty well. Actually, I was thinking about the Ohio State/Indiana game this weekend and, well . . . a guy gets a little logy thinking about that matchup of Troy Smith and Matt LoVecchio . . . Lydell Ross and BenJarvus Green Ellit[THUD]rwsgujhnt934yn 4e9prgawef zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

*GFWRRRTHSKNX* Man. Couldn’t I have been born in ACC country?

ILLINOIS @ MINNESOTA

Ron Turner has finally benched Jon Beutjer, since the Social Security Administration said Beutjer’s scholarship was going to cut into those retirement checks he’ll start receiving in a couple months.

I mean, seriously, the Red Sox may have gotten over on the Yankees finally, but some things don’t change, and among them is the fact that the Illini haven’t won a conference game since 2002. How will they do in the Metrodome with their three-green-QB rotation against a Gopher squad with a chip on their shoulders? They couldn’t do any worse if they were playing the Vikings.

WE’VE RON OUT OF TIME 0
GLENGARRY GLEN MASON 44

INDIANA @ OHIO STATE

Talk about hopeless–no offense, badly-burnt defense, winless in the conference, fan base wondering jsut how much worse things could get. And Indiana’s not doing so well, either.

You know, this is a loseable game for the Buckeyes. Let us not forget that this Indiana team beat Oregon at Autzen Stadium. That is not easy to do, even if Oregon did play the worst game of any supposedly-good team in recent memory. And with absolutely no offensive weapons worth mentioning, the Buckeyes may have trouble overcoming a ten-point lead. If Indiana gets one, that is, and I dont think they will. I believe tOSU will get back on track, but Buckeye fans who think that this game will be a hanging curveball are in for some clenched-sphincter moments.

NOWHERE FAST 10
TRESSELMANIA 14

IOWA @ PENN STATE

Things have gotten so bad for the Hawkeye running game that they’ve been forced to start actual Iowa natives at running back in consecutive weeks. Things have gotten so bad for the Nits that they’re probably glad they don’t have to play Illinois this year.

JoePa will want to make a good showing for the home crowd, but leave us not forget that (a) Paterno has been Captain Kirk’s chew toy in recent years, and (b) the Hawks have a lot to play for too–especially since Kirk Ferentz’s father, a Pennsylvanian, passed away this past Sunday. This will be a tough game, but nobody is questioning whether Kirk Ferentz has lost his team. They’re starting to wonder that about JoePa.

¿QUIEN ES TU JOEPA? 23
AY, NO ME GUSTA 10

MICHIGAN @ PURDUE

Color ABC disappointed. This is now just an ordinary two-teams-at-the-top-of-the-conference game instead of the Heisman coming-out party it looked like it could have been a week ago. These two teams match up well and this game will be compelling football. However, for Purdue, they’ve got to know that they’ve already faced the toughest test they’ll face from here on out. There’s just nothing like the Wisconsin defense. Not even the Michigan defense can compare. I look for Orton to have a much better day than he did last week. I like the Boilers to regain some swagger, and the Wolverines to regain some stagger.

ALMOST AS GOOD AS WE THINK WE ARE 21
WE FUMBLED AWAY A SURE THING 27

NORTHWESTERN @ WISCONSIN

There’s no need to play this game, right? If Wisky could shut up Kyle Orton, Brett Basanez should be no trouble, right? I mean, this is Northwestern we’re talking about. The team that couldn’t get over on a very average TCU squad. You run this thing on your computer and Wisconsin will win it 12 times out of 10.

But they don’t play the games on computers, and Barry Alvarez is 6-6 in his career against Northwestern. Moreover, the Badgers will not have Erasmus James, their Andre Tippett-like defensive end. And weird things happen when the Wildcats are counted out. You know the temptation is there–the next game on Bucky’s card is Minnesota. I am certain Barry is not looking forward–but will the rest of the squad be thinking about Gophers?

Naah. Too many seniors on that defensive squad. They’ll never let it happen. Right?

THE JASON VOORHIES OF THE BIG TEN 14
WHISTLING PAST THE GRAVEYARD 23

Next week:

• Iowa @ Illinois: Who will defend Jon Beutjer’s honor?
• Minnesota @ Indiana: Who can protect this house, if not the Hoosiers?
• Michigan State @ Michigan: Who will show up: the good Sparty team or the bad one?
• Purdue @ Northwestern: Who kills pests better than the Orton man?
• Penn State @ Ohio State: Who cares? Seriously

. . . SO WHO’S PROUDER?