TEN BURNING QUESTIONS FOR THE THANKSGIVING WEEKEND

1. Why does nobody ever think they are the slow traffic the SLOW TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT sign is aimed at?
2. Does anybody actually eat green bean casserole and, if not, why do we always make it for Thanksgiving?
3. For that matter, why do most cranberry sauce recipes yield about 4 cups when most Thanksgiving diners will eat maybe a tablespoon or so?
4. How long before the stores just go ahead and open Thanksgiving afternoon so we can all get a head start on the day after Christmas?
5. The Subway in the town where I work is open 8 to 3:30 on Thanksgiving–why? I know not everybody has a place to go, but when I think “Thanksgiving” and “turkey sandwich,” somehow, Jared’s not involved.
6. Do you ever wonder what turkey/cranberry/stuffing enchiladas would taste like? I do.
7. When that weird uncle of yours asks you what you want to be when you grow up, why not just tell him “A professional Yahtzee player”?
8. You think the NFL is glad that Dallas and Detroit are hosting their traditional Thanksgiving Day games, so a TV audience of dozens will be tuning in?
9. Since the Halloween stuff came out in the stores back in August, and the Christmas stuff has already been out for three weeks, do you think now would be a good time to dye your Easter eggs?
10. Am I the only person who thinks (a) those deep-fried Cajun turkeys taste horrible, like an unfortunate incident involving a bird flying down the chimney at a spice warehouse, and (b) having a device that lets you cook up a gallon of boiling oil in your backyard is sort of . . . I don’t know . . . Braveheart-ish?