TBP GOES TO THE AUTO SHOW (FIVE DAYS AGO)

So I went to the Milwaukee Auto Show this past Monday, because I am a glutton for punishment who has learned what the words “five-year loan” really mean.

The show was a nice bit of entertainment. Lots of concept and soon-to-be-released vehicles were on display, along with a smattering of less-interesting cars you can buy right now. For me, the highlight of any show is the abundance of free product literature which I can take home and place in a pile next to all the swag I grabbed last year. But I also like being able to sit in any car I want as long as no salesperson sees me.

My favorite concept car was the Chevy SS, which looks as good as Chevrolets haven’t for the past 30 years or so. If they could put this, or something like it, on the road for $26,000 or so, I’d be tempted. If I could afford a $26,000 car, that is. It looks even better in person than it does in publicity pictures. The SS was parked next to the Corvettes, which was smart on Chevy’s part . . . keep that thing as far away from the Malibus and Aveos as possible.

My favorite “you can’t have it yet” car was the Ford Fusion (no picture available), which had just debuted a couple weeks previous at the Chicago show. The front end of the car is great, strongly recalling the 1965/1966 Ford Galaxies and Fairlanes without looking too obviously “retro”. The rear of the car I liked less well; there’s a little too much Lexus IS300 for my taste. If Ford can start this car around $18,000, they’ll sell a ton of them, probably to Gen Xers (like me) who have found that the Focus is a little too small for a two-kid family.

Other highlights from the show:

• It’s official; I’ve been converted. I used to feel deeply swindled because I’ll never be able to afford a nice Mercedes to tool around in. But no longer. Now I feel swindled because I’ll never be able to afford a nice Lexus to tool around in. The Lexi I examined were the obvious recipients of much more careful attention (in both design and construction) than the Benzes.
• In the mid-to-late 1980s, Honda cars used to reflect conservative, tasteful design which suggested that the cars had hidden talents only the most forthcoming drivers could unlock. Hondas used to be about the only cars on the road which didn’t appear to have a line out of place. In 2005, Hondas now look like they’re designed by committees in great big Quonset huts with a great big sign hanging from the ceiling reading “HURRY UP-they’ll buy it no matter what it looks like.” They should’ve handed out pillows and comforters instead of brochures.
• I saw a Mazda MPV which I’m pretty sure is the same Mazda MPV I saw last year at the Madison Auto Show. Would someone please buy a Mazda MPV this year so I can look at a different one next year?
• Along the same lines, could somebody please tell me why Volkswagens are considered cool cars? It was nice to see a Phaeton on display, though, so I could confirm for myself that it really exists. Up until now I’d thought it was a practical joke . . . who would ever believe a $90,000 VW?
• The Pontiac G6 coupe is a lot better looking than I thought it would be. I had to check several times to make sure it really was a Pontiac. Without the usual assortment of strakes, fake air intakes, Tonka Toys body cladding, and such, it was hard to identify it as a Pontiac. The sedan is Snore City, but the coupe almost looks too good for its target audience.
• Dodge is going to sell a lot of the new Chargers, no matter what the muscle-car purists think about their legendary ride’s name being applied to a four-door. Though, having said that, it sure looks a lot more like a 1970 Coronet than any Charger I’ve ever seen.
• The Scion tC looks to be what the IROC Camaro was when I was in high school: the ride of choice for people who can’t really afford it. Toyota is pretty smart putting out a car designed to create pent-up longing in teenagers.
• On the other hand, the Scion xB is still as dorky-looking as ever. It’s like Piet Mondrian’s design for a pair of clogs. And why are they all purple?
• The good news: Ford has done pretty well getting the fuel economy of its SUVs up from “criminally profligate” to “merely ill-advised.” The bad news: With the gas station closest to the Midwest Airlines Center proudly advertising $2.159 gas, all the action was around the cars. There were more people looking at Dodge Magnums than at any of Ford’s SUVs–or anybody else’s, for that matter.
• If Hyundai doesn’t watch itself, people aren’t going to be using it as a punchline much longer. Five years ago I noticed that Hyundais were beginning to become very nice cars. This year they got even better. Oh, and squint real hard the next time you see an XG350 and tell that it isn’t the Mercury Grand Marquis that Ford should be making. That is one of the most “American-looking” cars I’ve ever seen.
• BMW saleamanders don’t have much of a sense of humor about iDrive.
• May we all live long enough to see the day when Suzuki is allowed on the main floor at an auto show. Every show I’ve ever attended, they’ve been shunted off to the side or buried in a separate room . . . at Omaha in 2000, they had to share a room with Daewoo, for crying out loud. Oh, wait, Daewoo makes a lot of Suzukis now . . .
• The Chevy Cobalt is the anti-Cavalier.
• The Buick LaCrosse underwhelmed me. If that’s the car GM is counting on to lower the average age of Buick buyers, they need to learn how to count a little higher. What should’ve been a Lexus GS for the “buy American” crowd turned out to be a Century with extra starch. And nobody was looking at the Lucerne. If Buick wants to grab the 40- and 50-somethings, they’d better go hang out around the Acuras and Audis, because that’s where they all were.
• Cadillac, on the other hand, doesn’t sell an ugly, geezer-friendly Pudding Pop on wheels for the first time since . . . for the first time. With Chrysler now just a division of DCX and Lincoln fading in the rear-view mirror (I don’t think I even saw a Lincoln on display), it’s a good time to be under the sign of the crest and wreath. Which reminds me that the other day I saw a Cimarron on a public street, moving under its own power. I almost felt sorry for the owner, but then memories of the Olds Diesel, the V8-6-4, and the 4.1L “Instant Blown Head Gasket” V8, and I realized that a Cimarron might be the only mid-80s Cadillac you’d want to own. May those days never return.