TBP’S SPORTS COMMENTATOR TRANSLATION GUIDE

(what they say: what they mean)

• He’s a throwback kinda player: he’s as slow as I was when I was playing
• He’s really an underrated player: he’s an average player
• He’s one of the most underrated players in the league: he’s slightly above average
• He’s probably the most underrated player in the league: he’s a perennial all-star and a consensus Hall-of-Famer, but the producer just reminded me that we haven’t said a word about him all afternoon
• He’s a systems quarterback: he’s a lousy quarterback
• He’s a three-pitch pitcher: he has a fastball, a curveball, and a pitch that actually reaches the plate
• You’ve just got to love seeing one team dominate another, like we’re seeing today: for the love of all that’s decent, please don’t switch over to the McHale’s Navy marathon on TV Land
• They’re just going to have to create opportunities for themselves: their only hope now is if the other team suddenly forgets even the most basic rules of how this game is played
• underachieving: awful
• rebuilding: really amazingly awful
• They just can’t catch a break: you are watching the LA Clippers, don’t you have anything better to do?
• You’ve got to give this coach a chance to succeed with his players: while it’s too early to say the coach is incompetent, the evidence is beginning to mount
• They have just got to do a better job executing their fundamentals: you haven’t seen a performance this bad since Gigli
• That was a costly penalty: that was a penalty
• He’s a 2 guy trying to play a 3: I have no idea why he’s not playing any better
• What an amazing physical specimen he is: I heard he’s on steroids
• He’s one of the most intimidating players in the league: he’s definitely on steroids
• He’s a real favorite with the fans: he’d show up at the opening of an envelope if you paid him enough
• What can you say about somebody with a career like his?: he should have retired five years ago, but I’d get fired for saying that
• Any coach would love to have a team of guys just like him: while he’s not very good, he’s enthusiastic and dumb
• A legend in his own time: that time being 1973