3/6/2005

TBP’S SPORTS COMMENTATOR TRANSLATION GUIDE

(what they say: what they mean)

  • He’s a throwback kinda player: he’s as slow as I was when I was playing
  • He’s really an underrated player: he’s an average player
  • He’s one of the most underrated players in the league: he’s slightly above average
  • He’s probably the most underrated player in the league: he’s a perennial all-star and a consensus Hall-of-Famer, but the producer just reminded me that we haven’t said a word about him all afternoon
  • He’s a systems quarterback: he’s a lousy quarterback
  • He’s a three-pitch pitcher: he has a fastball, a curveball, and a pitch that actually reaches the plate
  • You’ve just got to love seeing one team dominate another, like we’re seeing today: for the love of all that’s decent, please don’t switch over to the McHale’s Navy marathon on TV Land
  • They’re just going to have to create opportunities for themselves: their only hope now is if the other team suddenly forgets even the most basic rules of how this game is played
  • underachieving: awful
  • rebuilding: really amazingly awful
  • They just can’t catch a break: you are watching the LA Clippers, don’t you have anything better to do?
  • You’ve got to give this coach a chance to succeed with his players: while it’s too early to say the coach is incompetent, the evidence is beginning to mount
  • They have just got to do a better job executing their fundamentals: you haven’t seen a performance this bad since Gigli
  • That was a costly penalty: that was a penalty
  • He’s a 2 guy trying to play a 3: I have no idea why he’s not playing any better
  • What an amazing physical specimen he is: I heard he’s on steroids
  • He’s one of the most intimidating players in the league: he’s definitely on steroids
  • He’s a real favorite with the fans: he’d show up at the opening of an envelope if you paid him enough
  • What can you say about somebody with a career like his?: he should have retired five years ago, but I’d get fired for saying that
  • Any coach would love to have a team of guys just like him: while he’s not very good, he’s enthusiastic and dumb
  • A legend in his own time: that time being 1973
Posted by Mark @ 9:59 pm | | Permalink
This post is filed under: Sports & Media

1 Comment

  1. You missed:

    He’s a scrappy player: He’s short, hits for snot, and makes the occasional good defensive play, and honestly should playing in the Texas League right now

    With a player like him, you have to look at his intangibles: Because he sure as hell ain’t contributing anything else to the team

    There’s no one you want out there under center when it’s crunch time more than this guy: Brett Favre has pictures of what I did last time I was in Bangkok

    That was productive out: If you think sac-bunting the runner to second with one out and down five runs in the eighth is productive, then could I interest you in a bridge in Brooklyn?

    This team always comes to play, always works hard, always gives their all to win: And they usually get blown out by the other teams in their conference

    Comment by dw — 3/7/2005 @ 2:22 pm

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