I WISH

. . . that I didn’t have so much experience at doing post-midnight emergency plumbing repairs.

PAGING VOLPUNDIT

See, now, this is more like it:

Iowa and Pittsburgh have signed a contract to meet four times on the football field, according to a press release issued today.

The first meeting is set for Sept. 20, 2008 at Pittsburgh. The second and third games will take place in Iowa City on Sept. 3, 2011 and Sept. 19, 2015. The final game is at Pittsburgh on Sept. 17, 2016.

The 2008 game fills a void on Iowa’s schedule created when Missouri backed out of a contract.

By 2008 Wannstedt should have Pitt playing fairly well (if not, he probably won’t be there, but I digress). This should make for some pretty serious non-conference football. Competition creates competitors, which is why no football program which longs to be taken seriously should be playing I-AA directional schools, particularly ones from their own state.*

*: This only partially exempts Bill Snyder, since Kansas has neither directional schools nor I-AA football.

HELP A BLOGGER

It’s a heavy day. I thought I had problems because I’ve had a three-day avalanche of comment spam that has left me feeling that anybody who has even the slightest scintilla of interest in a poker game whose name I’ll render “State West of Louisiana Retain Them” is just the biggest goober in the universe–I mean a complete blob of hard green gorilla snot–then London happens and I’m reminded that there are many worse things that can happen to you than having some script-running flatheads try to borrow some free Google juice from you.

You hate to say “Lighten up, Francis” on a day like this. You hate to appear irreverent. But then you realize that irreverence would be the first thing legislated out of existence under the reign of the Glowering Pseudo-Faithful, so let me request your help. I’m working on a fiction project which has, at its center, a legendarily bad (fictional) record album from the 1980s. The band is called The Rain Merchants and their sound is described as “A/V squadders who think they know what Depeche Mode sounds like.” The album at the center of this project is titled Selling Sunshine on the Moon, and I’ve already come up with three song titles for it: “You Balkanize,” “Social Conformity (Is Killing Me),” and “Love in the Time of Realpolitik.” I need at least five more song titles that could’ve come from a pretentious, angst-y 80s band. Go for it, and I thank you in advance.