SEARCH ENGINE ANSWER GUY #10

Thought it was over, didn’t you? Thought that the birth of my third child would pretty much spell the end of this, eh? Well, it pretty much has. But here’s at least one more installment of my attempt to assist those bereft of clew, as it were, in finding that which is not to be found here.

maroon church hymnal seconds

Can’t help ya. But you should be able to pick up a good deal on some green ones (slightly used) come this fall.

how to write a sermon?

Pick a Biblical passage. (This is much easier if your church uses the lectionary, since this first step is basically already done for you.) Sit in your office, praying and waiting for inspiration. Go get a cup of coffee. Come back and wait to be inspired. Go to lunch. Return for more inspiration. Go get another cup of coffee. String together all your paperclips into one long chain. Send an e-mail to all your private-sector friends pointing out that you have a red Swingline stapler. Go get another cup of coffee. Go home. Repeat this process until 7 am Sunday morning. Then: Go through your e-mail, look at all the glurge that’s been forwarded to you in the past week, pick any three items, tie them together with something remotely and (at best) tangentially related to the text you’ve chosen to preach on. If you can work in something about your children and/or grandchildren, so much the better. Remember that Sunday is the Sabbath day for most Christians, a day of rest, and you’ve just provided half your congregation with the best thirty minutes of sleep they’ll get all week.

niu in big ten?

Well, there’s already one directional school in the Big Ten, so I guess anything is possible.

inside culvers kitchen how they cook the burgers

On a griddle. By the way, I saw another great Culvers sign yesterday: CHOCOLATE CARAMEL SWIRL WALLEYE IS BACK. Thanks for the update; you can have mine.

how to become a sports commentator

Here you go. As far as becoming a paid sports commentator, if I knew that . . .

shmuley boteach rumor

Somebody told me Rabbi Boteach might be Jewish.

outback steakhouse closing in columbus indiana

Well, there’s one reason to move there.

need to pull my teeth free from brenham texas school

OK . . . just how, exactly, did your teeth get imbedded in a Brenham, Texas school in the first place?

can u eat slim jims during pregnancy

Yep. I’ve got three little arguments in the positive.

how much are soda cans worth from 1978

Five cents in Iowa. Ten cents in Michigan. Significantly less elsewhere.