BECOME A TBP INSIDER TODAY

We here at The Bemusement Park are pleased to announce our new TBP Insider Program. TBP Insider is a special new feature wherein we will allow you to sample some small fractions of our less-important posts, but, should we write something you might actually want to read, it will cost you $4.95 a month, conveniently billed to your credit card in perpetuity unless you request us to stop. (All requests must be submitted by telephone to Leonard, our Customer Service Representative, who can be reached by calling Smitty’s Auto Body in Ekalaka, Montana, and asking Smitty if he could run next door because you need to talk to Leonard. Leonard’s a little behind on his phone bill these days.)

In addition to full access to all TBP articles, you’ll also be allowed to access the TBP Archives, letting you catch up with the past three years of articles, providing you agree not to comment on how much better this blog was back when I only had one kid to look after. Plus you’ll receive a wide variety of other benefits, including (but not limited to):

• Your very own personalized Member Name and unique, unchangeable password (note: all member names involving Keyser Soze, Tyler Durden, and the number between 68 and 70 have been claimed already)
• An exclusive hotline e-mail address allowing you to contact me directly (note: this address has been on the sidebar for three years and has generated exactly three pieces of legitimate mail)
• Special access to exclusive TBP Insider chats, featuring M1EK, Paul, and that one other guy who leaves comments sometimes (note: actual participation of M1EK and Paul is not guaranteed)
• Our exclusive TBP Trucker Hat, only available to TBP Insiders so the whole world will know of your special status

Unfortunately, the institution of TBP Insider will mean a few changes for those of you who opt not to upgrade yourself to Platinum Procrastinator status. We promise the new Flash banner ads won’t crash your browser every time you use it, and we do guarantee that the floating ads will take up no more than 89.3% of your visible screen, but unfortunately the ‘CLOSE’ button in 3-point type (ecru on an off-white background) is pretty much mandatory. Also, you’ll only get to read my one-line posts in their entirety. Everything else will be for TBP Insider subscribers. But you can still use the blogroll.

Don’t delay–there’s only a limited number of TBP Insider subscriptions available!*

(*: Offer limited strictly limited to those willing to pay $5 a month to read a $10 per month website)