UNDER A DREAMSICLE SKY

A small, thin band of thunderstorms blew through West Bend around 8 tonight. Because the band of storms was so thin, the sun was trying to come out behind them, making for some way-cool glowing orange skies. I managed to grab a few pictures, and here they are.

A clear line showing the leading edge of the storm, just before it started raining.

Normally you wouldn’t find a Ford Focus at the end of the rainbow . . .

The filtered orange light really makes the trees look evil.

I had to use gamma correction to bring out some detail here, which explains why there’s some flat, blocky areas . . . but isn’t this almost apocalyptic?

I’M NOT SURE HOW TO ANSWER

What does it mean when your wife asks you, “How do you spell ‘imbecile’?”

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY?

For once my wife got the kids to church on time without any stress whatsoever. That was the last thing that went right today. In the meantime, we visited a great neighborhood pub expecting pizza and burgers but instead got charged $15 a head for cold, burnt eggs and French toast that couldn’t be cut with a knife. We discovered that Abreva must be made from ground-up crusader bones or something, because it’s $16.99 for a 0.07-ounce tube, which makes it about $3900 a pound . . . or roughly nine times as expensive as black truffles. Alyson spit up on Paula five times in eight minutes, then I prepared a family dinner which everyone in the family ate, though no two persons ate it at the same time. Serena napped for four and a half hours, which means one of us (i.e., me) gets to stay up until 1 AM watching her cavort around the family room.

Oh well, she loved her card. So maybe that’s two things that went right today.

TEN RANDOM THOUGHTS #12?

(I think this is #12 in the series . . . who can tell any more?)

1. Yesterday Nebraska voters sent Dr. Tom Osborne off into the political sunset by fairly decisively voting for incumbent governor Dave Heineman in a primary election. It may seem a little amazing to outsiders (I lived in Nebraska for a few years during the Frank Solich Era) that somebody with Osborne’s profile would go down in defeat. That’s not what’s most shocking to me, however. What is surprising is that Osborne ran well in Lincoln and Omaha but failed to win the primary, which must make this the first time that Lincoln and Omaha didn’t get what they wanted politically.
2. Despite all our best efforts, we’ve only managed to move up one slot in the Phil the Showkiller derby. I got all excited at my church’s brat fry on Saturday because, just as we were shutting it down, a guy who looked an awful lot like Mike Bibby pulled up. For one shining moment I thought maybe Phil had come to either encourage me or hand-deliver a cease-and-desist notice. But once the guy saw that we were closing up, he took off. Drat the luck.
3. Changes in state laws have mandated that we have to buy a minivan. There just isn’t a car that can hold three child seats. Any recommendations from all three of you who read this?
4. Along the same lines, this post over at Jalopnik touched on the idea that the late 80s and early 90s were kind of a golden time for automobiles–maybe not like now when even humble econosleds can outrun many performance machines of bygone eras, but still, a time when you could see passion and quality returning to cars all across the board. I still plan on getting the Runs Good site up and running (I’m nearly finished with the introductory feature, a review of the history of personal luxury coupes), and I’ll certainly expound at length about this later, but they’re right. That was a magical time for cars. Today’s cars are really good and do things we never imagined our cars would ever do (like running 100,000 miles without a tuneup), but they’re soulless and plasticky. Those cars weren’t, and it’s about time people gave them their due.
5. I’m sure I’m alone in this, but I am so anxious for Barry Bonds to pass Babe Ruth. I simply refuse to believe that the vaunted Babe wouldn’t have done steroids if they’d been available. I wouldn’t want Bonds as my next-door neighbor, but his perpetual under-the-bussing is growing tedious. One of the reasons I hate baseball is precisely because I’m always being told that I’m 50 years too young to have seen its best player. If baseball can’t be as good as it was then, why care about it now?
6. No, Barry doesn’t yet qualify as a sports villain in my book, for reasons I’ve expressed earlier. Kobe Bryant is starting to get there, though. He’s either vastly overrated or downright evil for his non-appearance in Game 7 of the Lakers-Suns series. A guy who would semi-deliberately tank a game just to prove the point that his team is nothing without him? Eeeeevillll. Or else he’s overrated. Or else Phil Jackson is overrated. Or maybe all three.
7. Sooner or later, every caffeine fanatic must reach the point where they start to wonder if the ‘feine is doing them more harm than good. When I crash like a stolen Mustang every evening at 9, I start to wonder if maybe I’m reaching that point.
8. Seriously, what is the deal with gas grills? Why would you spend 50% more money for something that doesn’t work as well? Is it just because a gas grill looks cooler? Or have giant gas grills with side burners and smoker boxes and garbage disposals and foyers and seating for six become the new sports cars? If you buy one, should we just assume you’re having a mid-life crisis?
9. My wife asked for flower pots and dirt for Mother’s Day. I’m pretty lucky/blessed, aren’t I?
10. There’s nothing quite like getting ravenously hungry when you just don’t have enough time to eat before your next commitment. And that’s exactly where I find myself now.

NO ANSWER FOR THE ANSWER GUY

I was all set to write a new Search Engine Answer Guy today. Honest, I was. But in reviewing my searchphrase logs, I rediscovered something I’d noticed before but never bothered to investigate. Namely, I had a lot of search engine hits for ‘phil the showkiller.’

For the uninitiated, Phil ‘The Showkiller’ Ceppaglia is the producer of The Dan Patrick Show on ESPN Radio, and the former producer of Tony Kornheiser’s ESPN Radio program. Like many radio producers, Phil has been known to get a little air time. He’s a funny guy with a dry, deadpan sense of humor.

The only thing is . . . I’ve never written about him. Until right now, that is. So I have never been able to figure out why I’ve been getting so many hits on his name.

A quick search of Google revealed that, in fact, this website is the #5 result for ‘phil the showkiller’ simply because of a single comment left on one of my many anti-Jim Rome rants. What can I say? Comment spam really does equal Google juice.

Well, I for one am tired of only being on the receiving end of blatant Google voodoo. It simply will not do for The Bemusement Park to be the #5 Phil the Showkiller website. I want to be #1. But I am not willing to resort to shameless Phil the Showkiller Google bombing to make it happen. Rather, I plan to work more Phil the Showkiller content into this site, and I encourage all three of my commenters to do the same. Simple statements like, “I like this post, and I bet Phil the Showkiller would too” should go a long way towards . . . uhh . . . pushing me past Wikipedia and ESPN.com. OK, it probably won’t. This may be the #5 Phil the Showkiller website, but I guarantee we’re prouder of that fact than the top 4. Crikey, ESPN won’t even post a picture of Phil. We certainly would. If we had one. Which we don’t. But if we ever do, I promise we’ll post it. Probably.

I’ve been linked from FARK and Sports Illustrated. I’m cited twice in Wikipedia. I’ve even won a Tuesday Morning Quarterback Challenge. All that remains to make my Internet life complete is for this to become the #1 Phil the Showkiller website on the planet.

But it would be just my luck that he’s at home tonight starting a blog.

TBP DRAFT REVIEW

With the NFL draft now completed, it’s time to turn our attentions to the Monday morning GMing that always follows. While nearly all experts agree this wasn’t a great draft talent-wise, there were still a lot of things going on behind the scenes that made for an intriguing weekend. Forthwith, let’s break down things on a team-by-team basis.

AFC EAST

Buffalo: Shocked everyone by drafting Ohio State’s Donte Whitner with the #8 overall pick. Most mock drafts had Whitner going to Home Depot in the ninth round.
Miami: Didn’t really draft any ‘name’ players, which goes along with Nick Saban’s philosophy of making sure his name is the only one associated with any team he coaches. They may want to think about drafting a microsurgeon, though.
New England: Made some curious, obscure choices, which were immediately hailed as brilliant selections because Bill Belichick was involved. Drafted two tight ends and a top-notch receiver (Chad Jackson, Florida) to go with a decent running back (Minnesota’s Laurence Maroney). But all those guys went before the sixth round, so they’re far too talented to play for New England, at least not until they’ve already worn out their welcomes somewhere else.
New York Jets: D’Brickashaw Ferguson was a great choice for the Jets. He should start immediately at left tackle, which means Chad Pennington will blow out a knee in a week 1 crushing sack, then Patrick Ramsey will do the same in week 2, meaning that the Kellen Clemens era should start in week 3. Unless Brook Bollinger pulls a Drew Brees, that is.

AFC NORTH

Baltimore: Still playing their game of ‘Three Defenses in Search of an Offense,’ the Ravens took a dink-and-dunk approach to the draft, sort of addressing their needs. If they wind up landing Steve McNair, as everyone thinks they will, then Brian Billick will be officially down one excuse for his miserable offense.
Cincinnati: Marvin Lewis’ squad picked up the shutdown corner they needed, two wide receivers they didn’t need, a quarterback they won’t know what to do with, the requisite Troubled Florida State Seminole, and some dude named ‘Frostee.’ All in all, a typical Bengals draft.
Cleveland: Drafted two defensive linemen for the 2009 Denver Broncos.
Pittsburgh: The reigning world champions desperately needed to replace Antwaan Randle-El, but an overachieving quarterback from a dreadful Big Ten team wasn’t available. (Drew Stanton opted to return to Michigan State, after all.) Santonio Holmes will be a nice threat to take some of the defensive pressure off Hines Ward. They could still use a little help in the defensive backfield, but couldn’t we all?

AFC SOUTH

Houston: Hey, you never know . . . Wali Lundy could have a better NFL career than Reggie Bush. But I’m willing to be Mario Williams won’t.
Indianapolis: With Edge gone and the Triplets broken up (heck, even Larry Triplett is gone), the Colts drafted for depth. This should make them the deepest and most talented team to not win a Super Bowl since the early ’90s Bills.
Jacksonville: With only five picks, the Jags did OK. At least they got a decent backup for Fred ‘The Fragile Porcelain Running Back’ Taylor.
Tennessee: I don’t know if they shocked the world by picking Vince Young over Matt Leinart, but I’m sure they shocked their offensive coordinator. The Titans should now have the components of a good defense for the future, but the present may still be a little hairy for the offense.

AFC WEST

Denver: The real news here is the arrival of Javon Walker from Green Bay, proving that, while Shanahan’s been in Denver for a decade, he’s still coaching the Raiders. Jay Cutler will someday be at least an alright QB . . . maybe he needs to spend a couple years in the insurance industry like Denver’s last first-round QB did, though.

Kansas City: I will stand on the street corner and eat a live, angry, buttered weasel if you don’t read the two following Joe Posnanski columns between now and the next Super Bowl: one about the great, inspiring story of Tamba Hali, and one about how, no matter what, the Chiefs never address their real needs in the draft, which makes you wonder if anybody in Chiefs management knows what’s wrong with their football team.
Oakland: It fell to the Raiders to draft this year’s ‘Mr. Irrelevant.’ Or, as he’s known in the Bay Area, ‘Oakland’s general manager.’
San Diego: Drafted a cornerback, Antonie Cromartie, who didn’t play football in 2005, giving him something in common with the other Charger CBs. Also fired a warning shot across the bow of the SS Nate Kaeding . . . of course, it was wide right.

NFC EAST

Dallas: Addressed their problems at tackle by drafting a couple 7th-round guys. But you just know that their biggest problems this year won’t be at tackle.
New York Giants: Mathias Kiwanuka. Sinorice Moss. Gerris Wilkinson. Barry Cofield Jr. Guy Whimper. Charlie Peprah. Gerrick McPherson. Who knows if the Giants drafted any football players, but man, did they draft some names!
Philadelphia: Brodrick Bunkley will fill their hole at defensive tackle, while Jeremy Bloom will fill their need at outrageously flamboyant wide receiver.
Washington: A small draft. But who cares? Draft picks are for the proles. They’re not nearly expensive enough for Dan Snyder.

NFC NORTH

Chicago: All in all, a good draft, though the sixth round selection of an orthopedic surgeon only make sense when you remember that shipping container full of artificial knees they signed in free agency.
Detroit: You can tell it was a weak draft for wide receivers if the Lions didn’t draft any. Matt Millen can confidently enter the fifth year of his three-year plan knowing that he finally has a running back who’s about 30% as good as Barry Sanders.
Green Bay: The selection of Ingle Martin should send a loud, clear message to Green Bay fans that it’s time to move on: The Craig Nall era is officially over.
Minnesota: Apart from Chad Greenway, this wasn’t a great draft for the Vikings, meaning that this year’s ‘Hot Wings buffet and sudoku puzzle contest’ rookie cruise won’t be the only time the first-year Vikings disappoint.

NFC SOUTH

Atlanta: Another team with only five picks. When are we all going to admit that Michael Vick isn’t exactly working out like planned?
Carolina: How can a team with the Panthers’ record of success always be underrated? Look at their draft; they may have had the best weekend of anyone. It was so good I can’t even think of something suitably arch to say here.
New Orleans: You really think Reggie Bu$h i$ $uper-happy that he’$ playing for the $aint$ thi$ $ea$on? $omething tell$ me he’$ not. But he should be glad that he got drafted by a team that won’t expect him to turn everything around instantly.
Tampa Bay: Alan Zemaitis in the fourth round looks like a steal. His mere presence drops the average age of the Bucs secondary by twelve years.

NFC WEST

Arizona: Much is being made about the fact that Matt ‘Strictly Ballroom’ Leinart could’ve gone first overall to San Francisco last year. How happy do you think he is that the Cardinals played just well enough to draft him this year? Oh well, at least in Arizona he’ll have plenty of covered receivers to almost throw the ball to in the 2.75 seconds he’ll have before getting buried beneath every defensive end in the league.
St. Louis: Did a good job of meeting their most pressing needs, plus Scott Linehan gets an automatic one-year mulligan as a new head coach. This draft could be enough to put the Rams back in the playoffs. There’s really nothing pithy to say here, either.
San Francisco: Drafted the best tight end in the draft and three wideouts. It’s so cute how they think the problem with last season was that Alex Smith didn’t have anybody to throw the ball to.
Seattle: Didn’t really have any tremendous needs, other than the next Steve Hutchinson, which they may or may not have drafted. I wonder how the whole Nate Burleson Revenge Signing is going to work out, though.