PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, LABOR DAY 2006

Football.

Football!

FOOOOTBAAAAAAAAALLLLL!!!

Ahem. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s get down to the semi-serious business of picking the first week’s games in the Big Ten or, as we like to call it around here, “amateur weekend.” Seriously, there’s about one and a half tough games on this week’s schedule. But pick them we must, and we must do so early because (a) there’s two Thursday nighters this week, and (b) we’re going on vacation tomorrow.

So now it’s time to answer the unanswered questions heading into the season. Victories in this first week mean a lot; losses mean a lot more. Right now we know very little about what the Big Ten season will look like. By this time next week, we may know a lot more.

EASTERN ILLINOIS @ ILLINOIS

Of course, Illinois is in eastern Illinois, so it looks like . . . well, this is a scrimmage, isn’t it? Right?

Pshaw. There are no scrimmages when you’re Illinois. EIU is a 1-AA team, and not an outstanding one at that, but a list of their football-related alumni includes Mike Shanahan, Sean Payton, and Tony Romo. Which means that EIU has three more prominent alumni in the NFL than Illinois does. Still, there’s not much doubt about the outcome of this game. I hope.

WESTERN MICHIGAN @ INDIANA

Sadly, it’s easier to remember when Western Michigan was good than it is to remember when Indiana was good. Hoeppner’s crew should disrupt the Broncos fairly easily, at least by IU standards.

MONTANA @ IOWA

This marks the first time in the recent history of POTBT (what, there’s ancient history of POTBT?–Ed.) that two teams whose names are also titles on John Linnell’s 1999 album State Songs have met in a non-conference matchup. There, now don’t you feel smarter?

Montana is not a pushover–they’re a pretty good I-AA team–and Iowa will be without two starters (DE Kenny Iwebema and WR Herb Grigsby). So this game could be close. At the end of the first quarter.

VANDERBILT @ MICHIGAN

Two Harvards of football conferences put their student-athlete minds together to answer the burning questions “How much of last year’s success was due to Jay Cutler?” and “Was it really just predictable playcalling, or was Michigan just not that great last year?”

IDAHO @ MICHIGAN STATE

Expanding to twelve games on a permanent basis means you’re going to see a lot more games like this, games that make absolutely no geographical sense. But it does make sense when you know that John L. Smith is a former Dennis Erickson assistant and Idaho head coach. And, since this is a Dennis Erickson v. John L. Smith matchup, look for gobs of offense and practically no defense.

MINNESOTA @ KENT STATE

Yup, I checked . . . it’s a road game for the Gophers. There are three road games in the conference this week . . . and they’re all at MAC schools. Welcome to the bigs, MAC.

NORTHWESTERN @ FAKE MIAMI

The saddest football game imaginable right now.

NORTHERN ILLINOIS @ OHIO STATE

While we are this close to retiring the term “MACrifice” around these parts, this game may look like one at times, as tOSU will look to justify the buzz it’s generated by taking it to a pretty good MAC team. Look for a vulgar display of power early in this game.

AKRON @ PENN STATE

So . . . like I asked in the preview, what’s the fluke with Penn State. Last year, or the years before? It’ll be at least one more week before we know the answer.

INDIANA STATE @ PURDUE

Gad, do I hate the first week of the season.

WISCONSIN @ BOWLING GREEN (at Cleveland)

The Badgers have been roughed up by injuries and off-the-field incidents since last January. QB John Stocco will probably play in this game, though his mobility will be suspect after arthroscopic knee surgery a couple weeks back. The Badgers also lost fullback Chris Pressley and wide receiver Marcus Randle El for the season. That will force a lot of last-minute adjustments to the game plan, at least on offense. (The defense should be ready to go.) Doesn’t matter. BGSU is still a mid-pack MAC team which didn’t get better by losing last year’s starting QB Omar Jacobs.

Next week:

• Illinois @ Rutgers: This was a pretty good game last year
• Indiana @ Ball State: Uh-huh. ‘Road game.’
• Iowa @ Syracuse: Trap game? Maybe . . .
• Central Michigan @ Michigan: These games should not happen
• Eastern Michigan @ Michigan State: Ditto
• Minnesota @ California: Avert your eyes, ye weak of stomach
• New Hampshire @ Northwestern: A nice soft landing
• Ohio State @ Texas: The BCS Championship is in September this year, I guess
• Penn State @ Notre Dame: The second of two stunningly good Big Ten games this week
• Fake Miami @ Purdue: ‘Upset’ alert
• Western Illinois @ Wisconsin: Gadzooks