PICKIN’ ON THE BIG TEN, v2006.12

I’ve been sitting around all week wondering how I can suitably close out the regular season of POTBT. The Good Eats and real-estate specials were apparently a big hit with all y’all, and I appreciate the kind words.

Now, it’s Wednesday afternoon (by far my busiest day of the week), my head is pounding, and I can sense a fever coming on. And no, more cowbell won’t cure it. So instead I’m working on a special tribute album to wrap up the 2006 Big Ten football season; if it ever becomes more than a half-formed idea, you’ll see it next week.

Really, there’s no reason to pick more than one game this week. Right? I mean, I’m only hearing about one game. So it’s like the rest of the college football world has respectfully decided to yield to the greatness of UMich/tOSU. Still, on the off chance that one or two people out there still care about the rest of the conference, duty requires us to pick them all. Quickly, before I start vomiting like my two-year-old was two nights ago.

IOWA @ MINNESOTA

(As always, we post this pick in Minnesotan for the benefit of the three remaining Gopher fans.)

Så den har komme til denne. Minnesota må seier å oppbevare dens slim stolpe - årstid håpe i live. Iowa må seier å unngå etterbehandler for.500, hvilket kunne være en veldig forlegenhet. Bortsett fra alle er ikke frisk med Tegnet Tate , og den har vil vise seg det han har blitt leker til tross for hans sunnhet alle årstid. Som du vet rutinen. Uten Tate Iowa er Illinois med en lett bedre forsvarer. Bortsett fra bare så vidt. For det første gang noen gang , JEG må gå nå med Gullet i denne ettall.

(Ewg. That isn’t gonna keep me from vomiting. Think happy thoughts, Mark, like Iowa State hiring Paul Rhoads to replace Mac.)

ILLINOIS @ NORTHWESTERN

NU is set up for a pretty good 2007 but so is the East Central Illinois Traveling Bye-Week Squad. There’s nothing but pride at stake here, which portends for a pretty good matchup. Besides, neither of these teams can really play defense very well. You’ve got to love a game like that.

MICHIGAN @ OHIO STATE

You’ve already read more than you care to about this game. (Hey, did you know there’s a band in Columbus called the Dead Schembechlers? And they dress up like Woody Hayes and sing songs about hating Michigan? YES! I knew about them months ago!) The one thing I’ve noticed in the runup to this game is how little attention is being given to tOSU’s defense. Uh, they’re really pretty very good. And Michigan’s vaunted unit nearly dropped trou against Ball State. How happy does that make you, Michigan fan, especially with Oyd’s admission that they’ve been prepping for this game for weeks?

It remains to be seen if Troy Smith is this generation’s Johnny Rodgers, but let’s hope not. However, just like the last real game of the century, the #1 team will hold on and get it done. The rest of us just have to hope that the assembling of all this excellence in one location doesn’t create a football singularity that collapses the entire NCAA universe.

MICHIGAN STATE @ PENN STATE

I’ve already said too much about this game.

INDIANA @ PURDUE

Purdue needs a victory to keep their slim Outback Bowl hopes alive, which tells you everything you need to know about the general decriptude of the Big Ten this season. Meanwhile, thanks to last weekend’s beatdown courtesy of Glen Mason, Indiana needs a win here to lock up bowl eligibility. I’d really like to think IU can get it done–you hardly ever go wrong underestimating the performance of Purdue in games that matter–but I think the Hoosiers are still a year away. Or a game away, I guess. But, who cares? It’s basketball season!

BUFFALO @ WISCONSIN

Note to everyone: This is what a permanent twelve-game schedule gets you.

Next week:

• Purdue @ Hawaii: Original comment censored by gun-shy writer.