TEN RANDOM THOUGHTS #12

1. If I ever hear about lonely rails and tawny omnivores again, I’m going to knock all the stuff off my bookshelves. And I have a lot of bookshelves. Now, before you whine ask, O great Outwit The West contestants, let’s get a couple things straight: (a), I don’t know the answer; that was just my best guess based on those wacked-out phrases that kept popping up in my referral logs; (b), I have exactly zero interest in researching the answer out of the goodness of my heart; meaning (c), there is no further help from me unless you submit a request wrapped in $100 bills. I’m starting to miss the days when people came here looking for pictures of Destiny Stahl, and that’s saying something.
2. It’s really getting tiresome to hear all the plangent babble about “who would want the Alabama head coaching job?”. Here’s who: some currently-ascending coordinator or mid-major head coach who figures he’ll get run out of town in three years but knows that at least along the way he might make a couple million bucks. Coaching the Crimson Tide is a thankless task, but if you begin the task by expecting failure, it could be a good way to make some quick bucks.
3. You wanna talk about a sinus infection? I’ve been blowing my nose so hard the last few days, I strained my neck.
4. These are the sort of phrases fathers wind up uttering when they stay home sick for a day: “This pile of shredded pages is called My First Word Book? Looks like it’s time for My Second Word Book.” “Why don’t we just butter the whole house and get it over with?” “I could get $50 for you on eBay, you know.” “I wish I was at work, so I could relax a little.”
5. Okay, I’ll say it: Those griddlecake sandwiches smell a lot better than they taste.
6. In case you’re wondering whether soynut butter can be substituted for peanut butter in holiday cookie and candy recipes, the answer is “yes” if you’re allergic to peanuts, but “no” if you aren’t.
7. When you stop and think about it, if Iowa and Texas were going to play a football game this year, the Alamo Bowl is pretty much the only appropriate place for it.
8. I finally figured out Borat: Sacha Baron Cohen found a way to laugh at people who like to laugh at people. He may be the first metahumorist.
9. Are we all missing the obvious? Shouldn’t Allen Iverson be the next head coach at Bama?
10. Who on God’s blue earth can drink a 24-ounce cup of coffee before it gets cold? I certainly can’t, and I yield to no one in my coffee guzzling.